advice/  advice for Dommes/  How To Femdom Series

When your submissive says ‘no’

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© Dec 2019 update: New guide available now: How To Handle Disobedience

A blog post by Die Starke Frau prompted me to write this response because I see in her writing a struggle that a lot of new Dommes have: What do you do when your submissive disobeys?

She said:

One thing that definitely throws me off balance is when the man is refusing to submit. When I develop an idea of what to do with him and how to fuck with his mind, and if then, out of the blue, the man does not obey.

Note: I am not talking about playful disobedience here. I am talking about a serious refusal.

… Continue Reading
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advice/  advice for male subs

Profile advice for submissive men

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Sometimes I send unsolicited profile advice out into the world to submissive men who seem sincere, but who are not presenting themselves at all well. The email is usually triggered by them attracting my attention in some way (an interesting comment in a discussion, them showing up in ‘who’s viewing me’ on CM, or something similar). This leads me to take a look at their profile, where sometimes, I get that confused look on my face (“Eh?”), or sometimes I do a big double facepalm, and I just know that they have no idea that they are doing themselves … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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advice/  advice for male subs/  musing

User names and you…

45 Comments

User names are like a signature on the internet or in the community. I figure if you chose it, you did so to specifically and unequivocally communicate something about yourself.

That being the case, many are a complete turn off for me.

If a submale has a user name that communicates an icky message, he is going to have to work *extra* hard to make me believe he’s actually an intelligent, thinking human being.

I recognise that many of these men with really bad nicknames ARE intelligent, thinking human beings. I know because I have spoken to them, but I … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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advice/  advice for male subs/  scam

Scammers come in different flavours

27 Comments

So you got contacted by an uber hottie… whoo hoo!! She’s from your home town and she is super keen on you and thinks you are special… that’s so awesome!! She wants to claim you as her slave… yesss!!! You’ve been talking for a couple of weeks… it’s going great! She seems to be moving really fast, but ok, that’s fine… good even! And she hasn’t asked you for money so SHUT UP FERNS!!

There are scammers who will invest in you if they are after more than the few dollars they can get from having you join some BDSM … Continue Reading

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advice/  advice for Dommes/  musing

Real Dommes don’t…

18 Comments

I am recycling my own words for this post. I do that you know, because I am lazy (if you had read my ‘About Me‘ secret confessions, you would know this already…).

___

Stabbity wrote a great post here about how ‘real Dommes don’t have sex’, which prompted me to comment thusly:

You kind of touched on this, but didn’t QUITE hit it in the heart. Some Dommes fear losing control when they come, because, you know, Dommes must always be in complete control, cold, steely eyed, blah blah etc.

So, what that thought boils down to is … Continue Reading

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advice/  QnA

QnA: Annoying submissive

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Q:
What do you do when your submissive annoys you?

A:
Tell him to stop it.

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Loves: 1
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advice/  QnA

Q&A: What do I do with him?

2 Comments

Q:
I had a lovely submissive boy over for play, but in the middle of it, I had him in bondage, and I could see that he wanted and needed ‘something else, and I honestly just didn’t know what to do with him, so I ended the session. I think he probably left really disappointed.

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? What can I do to be better prepared for a scene and play time? Any thoughts, ideas, advices are welcome.

A:
Firstly, you did exactly the right thing. If something isn’t working for you, I think … Continue Reading

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