Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

I was gonna tweet “How are people fucking dating rn?!”
But really I mean “How are people fucking dating anywhere ever in the history of time?!”
Dating fucking sucks
Just bring me a fully formed relationship with someone who’s happy I slap his face before I sit on it

Look, if you’ve got ’69’ in your nick, you might be just lovely, but the chance of me replying to your email just dropped to about 0 bec

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

Obviously I only write true highbrow literary works because I only ever use ‘come’.
Nevaaarrr ‘cum’. No-one in my writing gets to to ‘cum’.
COLD DEAD HANDS and etc :P

She beats both of them senseless for having the absolute wrong focus here :P

This is a thing people do for fun.
I’M SUSPICIOUS

I made plans to go for a bike ride after pilates and now I’m mad at past-me, the ‘let’s-go-do-things!’ chirpy fucking arsehole

THIS

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

I eat pretty healthy for someone who doesn’t cook.
For example, last night I had cheese and gherkins for dinner, soooo….

I appear to have burnt my face off

I never end up making it because I am a master fuck-arounder-er

I AM BRIGHT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, BITCH!

We got rocks thrown at us & chased by a group of men for kissing in the street

…my human skin will slough off and reveal the lizard underneath

YOU BETTER NOT FUCKING BREAK HER, BITCH!

Normal-socialising people are really nice

Bahahahaha. I don’t know

Random things I’ve said recently, no context.

Is that a ‘yes, I have no intention of meeting you’ salmon? If so you might have to specify: salmon species are not my forte

I think ‘vanilla’ = did not buy dedicated equipment for that :P

And here we have a vintage little number all about self-created snowballs.

“I wanked over a picture of you, THAT’S how sexy I think you are” is not the compliment those into it seem to think it is

“At last a REAL femdom!” rang the enthusiastic chorus, staring fervently at their screens, their collective right hands