Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

I was gonna tweet “How are people fucking dating rn?!”
But really I mean “How are people fucking dating anywhere ever in the history of time?!”
Dating fucking sucks
Just bring me a fully formed relationship with someone who’s happy I slap his face before I sit on it

Look, if you’ve got ’69’ in your nick, you might be just lovely, but the chance of me replying to your email just dropped to about 0 bec

Random shit I’ve said, no context (if you want more of this in real time: This is pretty much ‘me on Twitter’ :)).

Obviously I only write true highbrow literary works because I only ever use ‘come’.
Nevaaarrr ‘cum’. No-one in my writing gets to to ‘cum’.
COLD DEAD HANDS and etc :P

She beats both of them senseless for having the absolute wrong focus here :P

This is a thing people do for fun.
I’M SUSPICIOUS

I made plans to go for a bike ride after pilates and now I’m mad at past-me, the ‘let’s-go-do-things!’ chirpy fucking arsehole

THIS