‘Topping from the bottom’ is bollocks!

‘Topping from the bottom’ (TFTB – yes, truly, I am that much of an acronym geek!) is a term used to describe a situation where a submissive attempts to control the play, the dynamic or the relationship from their submissive position.

It’s a common phrase that has been, and continues to be, abused by all and sundry. It has essentially become a term to cover anything and everything that falls under the umbrella of ‘the submissive is doin’ it wrong’. It is even used to describe a submissive’s behaviour when the Domme and sub aren’t even in a relationship yet!Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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Do as I say, not as I do…

I am somehow obsessed with advice for newbies at the moment… I am not sure why… perhaps because I communicate with quite a few of them and I want them to have good experiences, to be successful, to find their bliss (yes, I know, that was too corny to be believed! Deal with it!).

Things I recommend to newbies are not necessarily things that I do myself. Yes, I am a hypocrite…

  • Want to meet BDSMers? Go to a munch.

(I haven’t been to a munch in over 15 years, I am not part of any community, I don’t know Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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More advice for submissive men

If submissive men are all about pleasing the dominant wimmins, how come they aren’t all the most beautiful men they can be? Hmmmm?

How come single submissive men looking for partners don’t all think “I know what will be pleasing to a potential dominant! A fit, strong, hot body! I gotta get me to the gym now now NOW and git me one of those!”

A lot of submissive men ask how they can make themselves more appealing to dominant women and there is often talk of them gaining skills (cooking, cleaning, pedicure, manicure, tea service etc). That’s fine and … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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Advice for the newly minted submissive man seeking

Now we all know (don’t we, gentlemen?!) that approaching a dominant woman who you don’t know with a list of kinks that you would like to have done to you is inappropriate, as is asking to be her submissive/slave, asking her to train you, asking to serve or worship her, or telling her how she should dominate you, what she should wear, what she should say and how she should behave while doing it and etc.

This post is not aimed at wankers or idiots or blockheads who will never ‘get’ that, who will never get past the drooling and … Continue Reading

Loves: 35
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You iz doin’ it wrong!

There are a gazillion ways to do it, to have aspects of dominance and submission (D/s) in your life and in your relationship. Each is so different that you may as well be talking apples and gorillas when you discuss it with people with whom you allegedly have a fundamental commonality.

Mine is a very specific type of D/s. It is a romantic relationship with all that that entails in the vanilla world, but I am the dominant partner in all aspects of the relationship.  At its simplest, that means that I have the final say in things that involve … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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