about me/  musing

Once upon a time I was kind of a bitch

34 Comments

I think in a lot of ways, I was much more domlydomdomdomlydominant when I was young, and vanilla. In the days before I’d even heard of BDSM.

You know why?

I never gave it a moment’s thought.

I didn’t negotiate.

I didn’t discuss.

I just did my thing and the men who were interested in me either got with the program or they were left behind. I never thought in terms of ‘dominance’ or ‘power’ or ‘authority’ or anything like that. It was irrelevant. I was just me. It was so simple.

Men loved it. Seriously.

I don’t at all … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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advice for male subs/  femdom relationships/  musing

Supporting your dominant’s dominance

79 Comments

Sometimes submissives ask how they can help their dominant (especially their *new* dominant) become more comfortable in her dominance.

Come here, and I will let you in on a secret…

Ssshhhh…

Ready?

Here it is:

Submit!

Seriously. Do that.

I know it sounds as if I am being cute or something, but I’m not.

Do you want to know what I probably needed most from my submissive when I was finding my feet?

  • A safe space in which to assert myself.
  • To be certain that when I ask for something, he will comply.
  • To be confident that he is eager
… Continue Reading
Loves: 20
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musing

Good conversation/bad conversation

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Good conversation:

  • A topic/discussion point
  • Some back and forth…
  • The above sparks another topic
  • Oh and by the way, this other thing
  • Hahahhahaha (because obviously, I am fucking funny!)
  • Wry observation about something random
  • Some flirting, blushing, sweetness
  • Back to the topic with another thought
  • No way! I actually think something else!
  • Heated discussion
  • Segue into a new topic
  • and etc.

Bad conversation:

  • Question
  • Answer
  • Another question
  • Another answer
  • and etc.
… Continue Reading
Loves: 10
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musing/  random memories

Dominance and vulnerability: A case study

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After writing my previous post about vulnerability, I thought I’d follow up with an example of how it feels to me.

My boy and I had not been together all that long, I was at his place. It was about 10.30pm. It was winter, a foot or more of snow on the ground outside. I went to the toilet and used the last of the toilet paper on the roll. I looked around for more to put in holder, but didn’t want to go scrabbling around in his cupboards.

This is what happened next.

—

“Hey,” I said, and … Continue Reading

Loves: 19
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about me/  advice/  advice for Dommes/  musing

Dominance and vulnerability

47 Comments

Dominance makes me vulnerable for lots of reasons. I have talked about vulnerability previously, but I don’t think I have tackled it as it relates to my dominance before, probably because it’s so complex.

Dominance makes me feel vulnerable because I expose myself in it: I give of myself, I share secrets, I let him in to see who I really am, I offer him my control, I trust him to revel in it, I open my inner self up to judgement and rejection. It’s no different a vulnerability than anyone feels when they shed their outer shell and let … Continue Reading

Loves: 21
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bambi/  femdom relationships/  musing

Oh, there I am

10 Comments

Earlier this year, I talked about how I worry sometimes that I’ve lost the hunger that drives my dominance. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it only comes alive when I have someone I want to aim it at.

When I haven’t felt it for a while, it becomes like some distant thing. Vaguely remembered, but shadowy, intangible.

Even though it didn’t work out with bambi, I am beyond delighted and grateful that he was a perfect target for the hunger. It was especially strong in the beginning before the emotional complexity complicated things and muted it. I got … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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musing

A week of posts – review

11 Comments

I did a week of posts, as planned (yay!) to try and kick-start my brain, so I thought I’d do a quick review of where my head is at.

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

Writing about ‘whatever random thing was on my mind’ took the pressure off me to write about ‘something’, which was making me over-think and spin in my own head when my brain really wasn’t in the space for processing that. The daily writing didn’t feel like a chore (phew), and I gave myself a pass to just post ‘it’, whatever … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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