Good conversation:
- A topic/discussion point
- Some back and forth…
- The above sparks another topic
- Oh and by the way, this other thing
- Hahahhahaha (because obviously, I am fucking funny!)
- Wry observation about something random
- Some flirting, blushing, sweetness
- Back to the topic with another thought
- No way! I actually think something else!
- Heated discussion
- Segue into a new topic
- and etc.
Bad conversation:
- Question
- Answer
- Another question
- Another answer
- and etc.
23 comments
hmm I think with my questions all the time I probably fall under bad conversation.
Respectfully,
mysticlez
Or maybe it’s the other party who is the bad conversationalist if you are doing all the work *smile*.
Ferns
Grrr… how difficult is it to throw in an “and you?” every now and then, just to help move things along. There’s nothing worse than a stilted, onesided ‘interview’ with no back and forth conversation!
Well, except for a stilted, onesided interview that includes textspeak and no punctuation.
I agree. It’s frustrating, even when the person means well and is trying.
On the other hand, it’s a pretty good indicator of compatibility. If we just aren’t firing each other up with anything interesting, there’s nowhere to take it.
Ferns
Good conversation
me
me
me
#me
me
me and a bit more me
Bad conversation anything else
Coug
*laugh* Well you make a compelling point there!
Ferns
Yeah, there is not a single more infuriating thing in online dating/interaction, especially I have to carry the conversation single-handedly with someone who initiated contact.
Of course, if you stop communicating they get upset. *rolls eyes*
I know, it’s just so boring.
“Of course, if you stop communicating they get upset.”
*laugh* I believe that’s called a no-win situation!
Ferns
Well, in defense of the vast majority of sub men out there, it is intimidating to start an on-line conversation with a female Dom. As a sub, you are trying to do 2 things – 1) impress her enough that she thinks you are worth spending some on-line time to get to know (because you have a lot more to say), and 2) try not to type/say/do something that might offend her (so questions are safe in the beginning) – thus defeating the purpose of trying to contact her in the first place. Some of us have been lucky enough to have a GREAT teacher (smile)……
I actually find those who *ask* questions to have more potential than those who just sit back and wait for me to make all the effort. I can appreciate that they are trying.
“Some of us have been lucky enough to have a GREAT teacher (smile)”
*smile* Sometimes it just takes a little nudge for them to realise that what they are doing is not working.
Ferns
For me it was all about discovery. I knew I DIDN’T know anything – and I knew the Dom I was messaging was much more experienced than I. Combine that with her lovely pictures and her blogs which made it obvious that she was intelligent and had a dry sense of humor – and the intimidation elves started appearing everywhere while I was typing. It was kind of like eating peanut butter – I knew I “could be” witty and clever – yet it was stuck somewhere around my tonsils – and I wasn’t sure how to get it to the forefront. Eventually – after several tries (and thank goodness she was patient) I got to the point where the real “me” could be known. So persistence helps – but it ultimately comes down to her patience and willingness to teach/train/instruct that made the difference. Now I don’t feel intimidated to talk with any Dom on-line as I better understand what they are expecting. So I do appreciate her time. This ties somewhat to the previous blog about submission. It is tough to dial in the right ratio when on-line for the first time. I think it is easier to moderate that in real time.
“Now I don’t feel intimidated to talk with any Dom on-line as I better understand what they are expecting”
*smile* That’s great!
And I do love this because ‘what they are expecting’ is that you be YOU. However strange, funny, insightful, interesting, quirky, ‘whatever’ you are. THAT’S what they want to see.
Ferns
But don’t you agree that question/answer/question/answer is kind of necessary when getting to know someone ?
Many of my conversations seem to go the way of the bad conversation model, I wonder if it’s because I never get past the “getting to know each other” part.
“But don’t you agree that question/answer/question/answer is kind of necessary when getting to know someone ?”
I absolutely agree that it’s *part* of it, yes. But if it feels like a one-sided interrogation, then it’s not working.
Imagine meeting someone by chance at the pub, and how that conversation goes. You *know* when it flows naturally from one interesting topic to another, vs when it’s an awkward Q&A with no rapport.
Even if you START with a Q&A, if it doesn’t segue naturally into MORE than that pretty damn quickly, then it just isn’t working.
Eg.
What’s your favourite book?
Catch 22.
OMG, I LOVED that book. The language-play in it was wonderful. I really thought it was sexist though. Did you think that?
I did! I mean the only female characters were sidelined and I think most of them were sex workers… way to represent women!
I know right? It’s totally misogynist! I expect it wouldn’t have been acceptable had it been released now.
Huh… I don’t know about that. It might have made an interesting statement about views at that time…
What do you mean?
etc
VS
What’s your favourite book?
Catch 22.
Okay. Favourite movie?
etc
Ferns
Bad conversation is remarkably similar to an attempt at talking with a teenager.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_veIGGP1Uh4
But probably not as funny.
Bad conversation is remarkably similar to an attempt at talking with a teenager.
But probably not as funny.
Wait, what ? You can talk to teenagers ?? Who knew? I usually just tell them to get off my lawn these days.
Coug
Talk to teenagers? Hell no Coug! I can’t talk to them. Nobody can. There’s little point in trying to. But the video, subtle as it is, was the closest thing that I could think of to portray Ferns’ description of one of the two types of conversation. It also makes me laugh (mostly *at* teens) which is good too.
P.S.
That blokes got the same accent as Ferns! Ferns do you know him?
Coug
Of course! I mean, there’s so few of us here. Everyone knows everyone :P.
Ferns
@Anonymous: Bahahaha!
Exactly like that!! :)
Ferns
Ferns,
You’ve made me laugh a few times with the stuff you’ve written, so I’m glad to have been able to return the favour this one time.
Don’t you just love it at the end of the clip how Pete Denahy’s frustration with the “bad conversation” needs to be lessened with a …… lamington!
Accent? What accent? The nerve of some people!
Right?!
Ferns