femdom relationships/  my boy/  random memories

Word power

41 Comments

When I first told him to call me ‘Ma’am’, he wasn’t happy about it. It made him uncomfortable. He LIKED using my name. He half heartedly protested.

“But ‘Sharyn’ has come to mean ‘Ma’am’ to me…” he said. “That’s what it MEANS.”

I didn’t change my mind though, and he dutifully started using it. Awkwardly at first. Warming up to it as time went on.

It became second nature after a while. I’m not sure how long it took. But it started slipping off his tongue easily, became a sweetness between us. To the point where using my name was … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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femdom relationships/  musing/  my boy

My heart is small and dark

15 Comments

Compersion (n): A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Referred to mostly in poly or open relationships.

I don’t feel it. Ever.

I am not a kind or giving person that way.

I am selfish and greedy.

Possessive.

What’s mine is mine and you can’t have any of it. Not just physically, but emotionally. That shy smile he does just before I kiss him, that’s MINE. That vulnerable look he gives me when we are sharing intimacies, that’s MINE. That secret he’s shared with me, that’s MINE. The … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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musing

Erasing history

11 Comments

Sometimes I feel like all of my history needs to be erased. It feels too heavy to carry around, even though there is nothing hefty in it. No bags of leaden hate or fury. No suitcases full of regret or sadness. None of that.

And yet it still feels like I carry too much with me, colouring the world with it in a way that makes me feel like I’m trudging through a swamp of treacle. Dragging dead weight behind me for no good reason.

Oddly the weight is often comprised of sweetness and love. Those things that were once … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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random memories/  the other men/  vanilla

Boxes of memories

13 Comments

I have boxes that I move from one place to the next, leaving them unpacked and unused. They contain my journals from the days when my triumphs and failures were written down painstakingly by hand. Endless pads and notebooks lie untouched in there. They also contain photo albums of yore, from the days when you had to take film into the camera shop and have them developed, and photos were expensive and precious.

I was looking for a couple of old photos the other day, unsealed the boxes, the musty smell of disuse wafting out. I flicked quickly through some … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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femdom relationships/  musing/  QnA

Is it play acting?

69 Comments

“…is there some “playacting” there with the de riguer props (whips and crops, bindings and gags, collar and leash) and the formalized play of rituals; the sub speaking only when spoken to or given permission, lowering of his eyes and made to kneel, bowing down…?”

I think I understand what you are getting at, but ‘play acting’ rubs me up the wrong way. Are vanilla people ‘play acting’ when they dress up in sexy lingerie or when they talk dirty or rub up all over their partner? Or are they just expressing aspects of their sexuality?

It’s not really an … Continue Reading

Loves: 21
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femdom dating/  musing

Going silent

18 Comments

Ruby Ryder wrote a post about how a spate of potential partners she had been talking to suddenly stopped communicating with her and essentially disappeared.

If you’ve been following along here, you’ll know that it happened to me with the sex-voiced Texan not so long ago. The sex-voiced Texan was the first to do this at a stage where I was invested to the point of talking about travelling internationally to meet him, so it hit me pretty hard. There have been other times (in fact I tweeted about one earlier today who turned back up in my inbox), but … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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femdom fiction/  musing

Femdom novella: Your opinion wanted

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I’ve really been wanting to write more, and one of my ideas is a semi-autobiographical little femdom novella.

Semi-autobiographical because I have no imagination.

Little because long form narratives really aren’t my strength.

Femdom because ‘duh’.

I have settled on fleshing out a relationship from my younger days.

As a newbie dominant, I dated a beautiful younger submissive man who was a steel artist. He used to create his art in a kind of foundry with huge machines that would heat and shape steel, and men with hammers would pound away at them in a fug of noise and sweat. … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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