I texted the vanilla man I asked out last year. I know it’s been FOR-EVAAARR, but he was still on my mind. Enough time has passed for him to deal with the stuff that was going on in his life, so I figured he was worth another nudge.

I also optimistically rejoined a vanilla dating site. Cue the usual ‘wtf is WRONG with people’ type messages:

Hi how are you feeling now love feel free to talk to me anytime you want to okay love my name is [nobody cares] and I would like to talk to you please

The vanilla man bailed.

I’m not really surprised, but I AM disappointed.

He has legitimate reasons that I don’t doubt are true (he expanded a bit on serious family issues that he mentioned earlier), but really: If you’re in the middle of some emotional upheaval, maybe, you know, don’t say ‘yes’ in the first place. I’d guess that he didn’t quite realise the mess he was in until he tried to add something else on top, and then he realised later that he didn’t have emotional/mental energy for it/me.

In taking stock, I’m not invested so it’s no big deal … Continue Reading

The vanilla man is not proactively showing interest. I vaguely wonder if that’s a vanilla/submissive divide. But honestly, it doesn’t matter much.

I felt it on the weekend after we didn’t have the date. His communication about possibly not being able to make it was good, so that was fine. But when the get-together was clearly not going to happen (and didn’t happen), we both dropped communication.

While that would have been fine if we had an alternative time lined up, we didn’t have anything else lined up. I hate texting, so don’t do any ‘just because’ chatty exchanges with … Continue Reading

After a lot of sage advice in my comments and on twitter, I did indeed invite the vanilla man to come and have a drink with me.

Hi vanilla man: If you’re interested in a drink down at [where I live] sometime, let me know. I can offer stellar views: we can compare :).
-Sharyn (the tall blonde, pink sarong, [my dad’s] daughter
(if you don’t remember who I am, let’s both just pretend that you never got this, mmkay? :P

The ‘we can compare’ relates to him giving me a tour of his unfinished house when I was there: … Continue Reading

I overthink everything. It can get very boring, even to me.

The other day I met a vanilla man who somehow appealed to me. He bought the place next to my dad’s house (over an hour away from me): We had a chat when I visited and I asked for a tour of his as-yet-incomplete house. We had an easy rapport, he was somehow very open with me (he’s recently divorced, talked about his work, was showing off a bit about an article in the newspaper about him). The interaction was nothing special but he’s still on my mind.

A … Continue Reading