Him: Since my face is there [on a profile he just shared with me] I’ll note I am 23 years young, so hold your ‘potential’ horses. *smile*

Me: [after taking a look] Well aren’t you adorable *smile*!
I had picked you for much older when you first commented – you seem to have an easy confidence that generally comes with maturity (not age, necessarily).
I halted the horses. Anyway, how do you know they were even out, hmmm?

Him: I just knew.
(Thank you *beam*)

Me: *laugh* I will neither confirm nor deny that they were or were not out, … Continue Reading

Hello Dave,

Thank you for the compliments, I do appreciate it. And it’s such a shame, I really liked your approach. You seem smart, funny, and possibly awesome.

But here’s the thing: You have lied to me once already. So now I can’t believe anything you say.

I gave you a chance to tell me that the torso shot is not of you. I know it’s a shot of Channing Tatum. I had hoped that you would just say so when I asked. Instead you pretended it was you.

I don’t know why you did that, but a lie … Continue Reading

[The following email was in response to my personal ad on a site that allows you to choose your kinks from drop down lists. I did not choose any.]

From: 23yo_femdom_who_I_don’t_know:

“I would have thought ‘having your shit together’ – on your part – included being capable of listing your kinks.”

—

Hello 23yo_femdom_who_I_don’t_know,

I think you are confusing ‘being capable of’ with ‘wanting to’. Easy mistake to make if you aren’t all that bright.

I’d also reconsider your criteria for assessing whether someone has their shit together or not if I were you. Seriously, if you consider selecting a … Continue Reading

I specify in my (three sentence) profile that I do not accept chat invites. I have never heard from this person before.

22M, no location listed: But you accept skype video chat?

Me: No, not interested. – Ferns

Him: Ok can we chat on IM?

Me: If it has the word ‘chat’ in it: No.

For all I know you are boring as fuck (goodness knows your approach is indeed as boring as fuck) and I have better things to do than spend time in some chat window with some stranger to find out if that’s true.

I don’t understand … Continue Reading

Hello do-sex-to-me-nickname,

“I serve you online through webcam, taking pictures and videos of tasks you assign me.”

Yeah, that’s not service. That’s you getting your rocks off. Calling it ‘service’ is disingenuous.

And no, that doesn’t interest me one bit.

Best of luck.

Ferns… Continue Reading

Sometimes, someone is so idiotic, I lose my calm, helpful demeanour…

I have to set the context for this one by showing the entire exchange.

I received this email from 45yo maledom nowhere near me:

What can I say.. You look great and got me captivated with your great pic too.. There once was a time that I didn’t believe in angels, but that has changed since i came across your profile…If I must say this, I think God must have created you on weekend so as not to be disturbed. You are beautiful and I just want to say … Continue Reading