I actually answered a personal ad by a local man that I happened across on Craigslist because it made me laugh.

I didn’t keep a copy, but it read something like this:

“This weekend I’m planning to rob a bank, steal a boat, then fake my own death.
I need a lady accomplice. Must be able to make sandwiches and have a sexy attitude.
We will escape to a private island where we will have our monkey butlers serve us pina coladas.
Are you in?”

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Subject: Robbing a bank, stealing a boat, faking a death

I’m in. I assume … Continue Reading

From 29M sub:
Subject: please talk me about ur sex

please talk me about ur sex

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Me: is the sexiest sex that ever sexed when sexy sexing was required

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Him: bitch

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Me: Mmhmmm

*block*… Continue Reading

Polite enough email exchange with a 28yo who claims to be serious about wanting a long term D/s relationship. He lives in New York. No, Seattle. He’s 6′. No, 5’10. Whatever.

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Hello Ron,

We’re done here.

Miss Pearl is a friend of mine and you are obviously an emotionally unhinged liar.

Don’t contact me again.

Ferns

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Want an explanation? All righty then.

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Edited to add: Here’s a follow up from Miss Pearl including the charming missive that was addressed to her but that our mutual friend cc’d me in on so that I wouldn’t feel left … Continue Reading

Subject: Oh. My. God.

Holy fuck that was hot. Wow.

I love that you said my name, I love that you begged a little, I love that you delayed (‘not yet, not yet’). So sexy, all of it.

I should have recorded my reaction.

Scorching.

Thank you.

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I want more. I always want more. Greedy.

Send me your moans, your breathy whispers, your desperation, your sounds of pleasure: Details here.… Continue Reading

I replied to a personal ad offering chores in return for blowing up balloons. It was so unusual it caught my eye.

The honesty in his ad, which presented a pretty straightforward transactional exchange, was actually much more refreshing than the ‘NSA housework’ ones with hidden agendas.

I was honest about being more curious than interested, but you never know.

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I saw your ad and I was curious if you wouldn’t mind indulging me.

I should say up-front that I am very cautious about allowing a stranger into my house, so I am not sure if I am really … Continue Reading