I specify in my (three sentence) profile that I do not accept chat invites. I have never heard from this person before.
22M, no location listed: But you accept skype video chat?
Me: No, not interested. – Ferns
Him: Ok can we chat on IM?
Me: If it has the word ‘chat’ in it: No.
For all I know you are boring as fuck (goodness knows your approach is indeed as boring as fuck) and I have better things to do than spend time in some chat window with some stranger to find out if that’s true.
I don’t understand why you would think for one second that that would be fun or interesting for me. Oh wait… you don’t CARE if it’s fun or interesting for me. Silly me. I don’t know what I was thinking.
– Ferns
17 comments
~laughs~ Too funny. I bet you get these often? I get bored so easily with people that I often feel bad like I am being mean. I am not fair in that I don’t give much time for someone to interest me in some way before I move on, friend or partner potential. If you cannot have something of interest that sparks me then really why would I seek anything further. I don’t want a friend who is boring and I know I don’t want a partner who is boring to me.
Respectfully,
mysticlez
I actually don’t get them often. I know some women say they get gazillions, but I seem to have anti-wanker vibes, so yay!
And yeah, ‘boring’ wasn’t even the right word for this approach. ‘Idiotic’ would have been more accurate.
Ferns
Yes!! How many people start messages or emails with “hey whats up want to chat?” I don’t have time to guess how many of these people are going to be stimulating and how many of they are going to be wastes of time. I wish I had the time to interact with every single person who wanted to talk to me, but like you said, a lot of them don’t care about YOUR experience. They just want to ramble about, usually about something completely pointless, and sometimes offensive. I’ve grown cynical, but it has made me appreciate people who make an effort in conversation so much more.
“I don’t have time to guess how many of these people are going to be stimulating and how many of they are going to be wastes of time.”
Well, call me cynical, but I’m willing to bet ALL THE MONEYS that anyone who makes an approach like that is NOT going to be interesting…
“it has made me appreciate people who make an effort in conversation so much more.”
I so agree!
Ferns
I get this too. They don’t seem to understand that if I get nothing out of chatting with them [which I won’t, they are boring as fuck], then why would I bother wasting MY precious time with THEM?
I’m don’t even think that they don’t understand: They just don’t care. I assume they are hitting 100 women with the same thing and hoping someone is bored enough to say yes.
Ferns
You hit the nail on the head Ferns ;) They truly DON’T care.
Exactly! For that matter, I really don’t understand why it would be interesting for them, either. Why on earth would you want to chat with someone if you haven’t exchanged a few interesting emails first?
I assume because…
“If I was there would you spank me? Would you wouldyou huhuhuhuh…unngghh… *splooge*”
*laugh*
Ferns
The thing is that there is no incentive for wankers to perform any kind of reading comprehension. If they paid attention they’d automatically self-select out from pestering you. They get blown-off/rejected/etc. so frequently that the occasional lost cause isn’t worth the bother of filtering for it. Maybe you didn’t mean you don’t respond to chat requests. Maybe they’re special because of the awesome shadow of masculinity they saw reflected in their dirty bathroom mirror. The above conversation illustrates how no information he is unwilling to accept will penetrate his thick skull.
“Maybe they’re special because of the awesome shadow of masculinity they saw reflected in their dirty bathroom mirror.”
*laugh* You speak the truth!!
Ferns
I want Stabbity’s avatar badly yes yes I do
Coug
I appreciate it’s got bugger all to do with the topic but fanged kitty!!!
Thanks :) I found it on a free IM avatar site ages ago and it just kind of stuck.
As a boring guy (not a wanker though) this feels like the biggest punch to the gut.
Trying to make friends in FetLife was the most humbling experience ever. I had no idea I was so boring and immature.
I’m gonna go cry on a pillow now.
I’m trying to figure out if you are joking here or not. I am scared to laugh in case you aren’t and I hurt your feelings!! Oh, internet, when will you have tonal inflections and [hurt feelings font]?
Do you hit random women up with one line emails? For skype video chat? Then hit them up again for essentially the same thing when they say no?
No?
Yeah, then you aren’t that guy.
Ferns
Definitely not joking.
I know deep down I’m not that guy, because hell I try VERY hard to not be that guy, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say and end up sounding like a creep.
But anyway, great blogging. Keep on keepin’ on.
Well since you were serious, I’m glad I didn’t laugh!
“…sometimes I just don’t know what to say and end up sounding like a creep.”
Let me tell you a little secret: If you are genuinely concerned about sounding like a creep, then you probably aren’t a creep.
Let me tell you another little secret: Since there are so many wankers on these sites who send ridiculous wankery emails, it is actually really *easy* to stand out as a stand-up guy.
Of course, I have no idea what you have been doing there on Fetlife to try and make friends, but here are some suggestions:
1. Participate in discussions in groups that interest you (whether it’s cooking or submission). It should be interesting and it gets you used to interacting with folks. People who ‘know’ you from discussions are much more likely to want to be your friend.
2. Fill out your profile with non-wankery stuff about you
3. When someone (not just potential partners, anyone!) says something interesting that you want to know more about or that you think was interesting/funny/awesome, if they seem friendly, send them a little note to say so. Expect nothing back.
4. Join local groups, participate in discussions there. If you are ready, try going to a munch (contact the organiser to say you are new and nervous and can the help you out – most are happy to do that).
5. If you send a note to some woman out of the blue, have a reason for doing so (hint: “You are female, local, right orientation, right age” is not sufficient) and tell her what it is you are contacting her about (“Hello [nickname], I really liked your comment about xyz. I often thought that abc was a factor in that. Just wanted to let you know I appreciated your input.”). Expect nothing back.
Having said all that stuff, it is ALWAYS hard to make friends anywhere, but common interests are the best way (and I don’t mean ‘we are both on a fetish site’ level of common interest!).
I wish you luck (and feel free to send me a friend request on Fetlife if you would like *smile*).
Ferns