about me/  advice/  advice for Dommes/  QnA

Blending D/s and vanilla

19 Comments

This cracker of a question was asked by someone on my Ask Me page all anonymous-like:

What is the best advice you can give to a new Domme? I’m feeling uncertain about how to blend the vanilla and the D/s in a new relationship.

It’s tough not only to be figuring out yourself and your needs but learning someone else’s, too! And yet difficult to separate the two.

It can be really tough, yes!!

I have a few posts that I have categorised as ‘Advice for Dommes‘, so please take a look at those for random snippets. This … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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about me/  musing

Once upon a time I was kind of a bitch

34 Comments

I think in a lot of ways, I was much more domlydomdomdomlydominant when I was young, and vanilla. In the days before I’d even heard of BDSM.

You know why?

I never gave it a moment’s thought.

I didn’t negotiate.

I didn’t discuss.

I just did my thing and the men who were interested in me either got with the program or they were left behind. I never thought in terms of ‘dominance’ or ‘power’ or ‘authority’ or anything like that. It was irrelevant. I was just me. It was so simple.

Men loved it. Seriously.

I don’t at all … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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about me/  femdom dating/  photo

Personal advert

30 Comments

I have never actively sought a partner and I have never advertised for one when I have been single. Why? Because it makes me feel uncomfortable: Like I’m a used car to be looked over and assessed for road worthiness, to have my tyres kicked, to have strangers look under the hood and take me for a test drive, and frankly, that makes me feel icky.

It feels to me as if running an ad and vetting responses makes the *most* common denominator the fact that we are both looking for someone. That squicks me. I tend to think that … Continue Reading

Loves: 18
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about me/  advice/  advice for Dommes/  musing

Dominance and vulnerability

47 Comments

Dominance makes me vulnerable for lots of reasons. I have talked about vulnerability previously, but I don’t think I have tackled it as it relates to my dominance before, probably because it’s so complex.

Dominance makes me feel vulnerable because I expose myself in it: I give of myself, I share secrets, I let him in to see who I really am, I offer him my control, I trust him to revel in it, I open my inner self up to judgement and rejection. It’s no different a vulnerability than anyone feels when they shed their outer shell and let … Continue Reading

Loves: 21
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about me/  femdom dating

Why sex blogging is bad for my love life

38 Comments

Prior to my blog existing, I had 100% success rate with meeting submissive men and having the meeting lead to a relationship. Since having the blog, becoming single, and with the blog linked from my profiles everywhere, my success rate is down to zero (keep in mind that I meet *very* few men, I really only meet those who I believe have real potential). Essentially, since having the blog, my ‘foolproof’ method is no longer working.

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that my blog was cock blocking me (though ‘cock blocking’ is not quite the right word here…). I’ve written … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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about me/  bambi/  musing

Introvert recovery

63 Comments

I had a month with bambi, a week and a half to myself after he left, then this past weekend, I had four days staying with my sister and niece.

If you aren’t an introvert, this doesn’t sound like anything much.

If you ARE an introvert, you might understand when I say that I am tapped out. Socially and emotionally, I am completely empty.

And this happens even though the people I was spending time with were perfectly lovely. That makes no difference whatsoever.

Right now, I feel like an empty void, and if I have to talk … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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about me/  femdom relationships

I’m selfish

38 Comments

I think of myself (and describe myself) as selfish (and lazy… yeah, I’m a real catch!), but the complication is that I can only be selfish (that is, be comfortable ‘being who I really am’) in an environment where I know that my boy feels wanted and loved in it. I need to know that he is thinking, “Yay, I love it when you are all selfish and I can run off and do these things for you!”, all skip-happy like.

I can be (and have been) selfish in vanilla relationships, and it’s terribly unfair, and my partners have loved … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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