I’ve only been in love a few times and each time I ‘knew’ it differently. The realisation of love, the clarity of ‘I love you’ arrives for me in different ways. Sometimes a wave of everything that came before just catches up with me, sometimes some piercing emotion that almost lifts me off my feet.
I can romanticise those moments, but the one I remember most clearly, the one that perhaps shocked me the most was so very mundane, so ordinary.
I was in my late twenties, my man and I were at a friend’s place and he was showing us around his guest house. It was a large property, beautiful. I was wandering around, admiring the old world architecture, the view outside to rolling green lawns.
I was in the kitchen. Of course I didn’t cook, was never the domestic type, was only half paying attention to our host when I opened a cupboard, just because. I looked at the plates, I haven’t a clue now what they looked like any more, but had the very boring thought, “When we have our house, THIS is the crockery I want.”
Having a thought about crockery at all was weird enough to cause a brain-flicker, to glitch for a microsecond with a ‘what?!’ But in that moment, I had a flash of our future, loved up and living together, domestic and happy, and it just happened that that plate was the trigger that caused that image to make itself clear in my head.
I had NEVER thought about the future with any previous partners, I just… didn’t do that. Ever. And for it to manifest in such a very ordinary domestic kind of way was a shock in and of itself.
My next thought was ‘oh shit, I love him… OH SHIT, I LOVE HIM!’
It was hardly some ‘hearts and flowers’ kind of Harlequin romance moment, but that’s exactly how it struck me: Standing shell-shocked in someone’s kitchen with a plate in my hand.
Scared the hell out of me to be honest.
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If you care to share, I would love to hear your stories of ‘when you knew you were in love’, present or past.
24 comments
I just turned 44 and I’ve only been in love once in my life.
When it happend I was in my mid-twenties. The fridge in my apartment died and instead of calling the landlord and getting it fixed I moved in with two girls in their apartment. My best friend was dating one of the girls so I kind of knew her. Her flatmate was this adopted Indian girl. I thought she was funny, sexy and exotic. After awhile the other girl moved in with my best friend and Saritha (that was her name) and I continued living together as flatmates. We were just good friends. But after a few weeks we started sleeping together and things just kind of happend. One day it just dawned on us: We’re a couple living together.
I also realized I had fallen in love with her. Because I had been kind of a loner up til then. The thought of sharing an apartment with a girlfriend that would be there, like all the time was not something I thought was very appealing. But with her I didn’t mind that I lost my “privacy”, “freedom” or whatever stupid label I had put on my loneliness. I wanted to be close to her all the time – and she felt the same way!
It was an amazing few years. But I was an inmature asshole, a selfish dick with a criminal lifestyle. So I fucked it all up in the end. I still loved her when we broke up. We both cried and it hurt like hell for almost a year.
We are still friends. She moved on with her life, found a new guy and now have two kids.
Please ignore any spelling errors and such. I’m not drunk – just Swedish. :)
Thank you so much for sharing. It seems sad that you fucked it up, sometimes our younger selves need a good shakeout. But I guess you just weren’t ready for the whole shebang.
Are you sure you aren’t a drunk Swede? Anyway, I’ll call you when I get home :P.
Ferns
Did you use Google translate to figure out that part or was it natural language skills? :)
Not telling. That way you will think I’m awfully clever… :P
Ferns
We had been friends for a couple of years and had even dated once or twice. It was no big deal for me as I wasn’t really looking for anyone. If anything, it was mostly a quid pro quo sort of arrangement. I helped her when her car broke down and she made me dinner. On occasion, we would sit outside on her doorstep and have tacos and beer while we solved the world’s problems.
It was a bitterly cold evening in the winter of ’95 and I was working 12-hour shifts, selling new cars at that time. I had just dragged myself through the front door and not even bothered to eat before dropping my exhausted carcass into bed for the night. No sooner had the lights gone out when the phone rang. It was her! She had locked her keys in the car, at an all night burger joint, about a 45 minute drive away. With much swearing and door slamming, I trudged back out into the frigid night, wondering what the hell I must be thinking.
It was only after I had arrived at the scene, (after driving for the better part of an hour) popped the door lock and rescued her keys, that it dawned on me why I had gone out there. It was that smile and excited squeal of appreciation that told me everything I needed to know. There was no way I couldn’t have gone. I was in love with my friend. We moved in together a few weeks later.
Awww, so lovely!!! Thank you for that.
Funny that the realisation crept up on you like that, from sideways. Me too! Maybe it’s really common.
Ferns
Gosh, I have to think about that. I know I loved my ex husband but that love got killed a long time ago. And I know I had the realization of being in love with Tony, which unfortunately feels unlike any other love I’ve had. I know there was the moment when I realized it was the kind of love that was unselfish and unconditional… probably my undoing for why I hung around so long. I will think about when I finally realized it :)
Please do!
I vaguely and theoretically imagine that most times it’s some moment of intensity that solidifies it, but maybe for most, it comes from out of left field somehow.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Ferns
I was hanging around chatting online with someone I’d gone rounds with more than once about his behavior (not particularly towards me, he just had growing up to do and seemed to rely on me for guidance). We’d known each other for a while. I know he cared for me and I for him. I was discussing something I was doing with a friend, helping her in some minor way I barely recall. He suddenly blurted out “I love how much you care and how dedicated you are to helping other people.”
There was this moment of awkward silence while we stared at each other. I finally managed
“Uhhhh well thank you. I love you too.”
And I realized I did. We’ve never gotten less awkward in our ability to express it. But maybe that’s just part of how this particular love works. They’re all so very different in the end.
*smile* What a sweet story, thank you for sharing it. And yes, they are all so very different.
Ferns
I know I’m in love when I have the (officially named by my daughter and I) the “Ah shit” moment. It’s that moment that I will incessantly talk about that person to others, rambling their ear off like “oh you know what X did the other day?!” and “Oh X has such a great …” . I will talk incessantly about anything and everything relating to that person. They will be constantly on my mind. I will do this for a while gradually getting worse. Then one day it will happen again and I realize it and I say “ah shit!” lol It seriously goes that way. I know. I’m crazy haha
Respectfully,
Mysticlez
Heh, that’s funny that you know how it plays, and you still don’t see it coming :).
Ferns
I was head over heels from the first time I laid eyes on her.
I live in Alaska where the bars don’t close. Well they do. Between 5 am and 6 am so they can do a daily clean and then open the doors back up. It created a town that liked to party and party all night. The bar typically wouldn’t even pick up until midnight and then it was usually packed until 4-5 AM. It was about 3 AM and I was sitting alone at a table nursing my beer. She just walked up sat down and started talking. Just started talking like we had know each other our whole lives or something. There was instant chemistry. For a few hours we talked. Never missed a beat. No silent moments. we just fit like we were meant to be. Her friend came and said it was time to leave. They left and had no sooner walked out the door and she came back in with her number written on a napkin. Asked if I would call her the next day to which I of course agreed.
I pushed her from my mind that next day. Knowing the game to well. Never call the first day. But it wan’t easy. She kept creeping back in there again and again. Tomorrow I told myself.
We tomorrow came and still I forced myself to push her fro my mind. Until afternoon came and I decided it was time. But the number was gone. ARRRRRGH! I couldn’t believe I had been so careless as to have lost her number. And just like that, she was going to be nothing but a faded memory if I didn’t find that number!! Hours went by as I looked in every pocket. scanned every horizontal surface, peeked into every crevice and nitch of the car and the house. . But it was not meant to be. That day became the next and I resigned myself to accepting that the number was gone.
But was she? I thought back to the conversation we had. After some thought it came to me. She worked at a bank!!! I had no idea which bank and to my chagrin, I couldn’t remember her name. I could remember was that smile. That laugh. Those eyes. And my need to find her.
This was back in 1995, so before the internet was what it is today. It certainly wasn’t going to assist in finding all the banks in town. I had the yellow pages for that though and at first I started calling. That went no where fast. Without her name I left describing her.
Yes, hi. I’m wondering if you have an incredibly beautiful woman that works there. Blonde, about 5’5. A smile you would never forget and laugh that you want to hear everyday.
Sure Mr. we have about 4 of them. Ugh!!! Really? We are spread out up here in Alaska. We don’t have skyscrapers. We have lots of room to spread out horizontally and so banks a re spread apart and my radius of search was going to be an approximately 60 mile radius.
Thankfully I didn’t have to go out that far and I can tell you to this day the number of banks I visited over the next week. 37.
I walked into number 37 and saw her immediately. She was with a customer and I got the biggest grin you have ever seen. I just stood there speechless and dumbfounded. She looked up and our eyes locked and that was it.
Back in those days i was a stud. Women were not difficult. I had been with well over 200 by that time. But after that day it would be 13 years before another was given the chance.
I fell head over heels and so did she. We were inseparable and in love.
I dawned on me what it was when she had doused me with a pitcher of cold water fro the kitchen sink while I was taking a shower. It was so cold and a shock! As I stood there listening to her mischievous remarks meant to goad me, I bolted from that shower buck ass naked bound and determined to pay her back her due.
But she was ready for me. Waiting at the front door. It was December in Alaska. 3 feet snow and zero degree temperatures. Not to mention the front door opened to the busiest street in town. But I gave her more of a run for her money than she had expected. I came out of the bathroom at full speed she had been waiting at the front door with it already opened and her shoes and coat on. She gave an overconfident laugh that signaled “I got you” and I am sure she expected that she had and that would be it. By the time I made it to the front door she was at the sidewalk looking back. Laughing so hard no. She was so amused. It was infectious. I to was laughing by this point but she had underestimated my resolve.
She didn’t think I would come out after her. December. 3′ feet of snow. Busy street, And me…..
Buck ass naked and soaking wet.
I didn’t give it a second thought as i continued my pass down the stairs and heading straight for her. Her eyes got big. More of that addicting laughter. They sound of true joy at being alive and just enjoying one self.
Her biggest advantage was shoes. I was in barefoot, so my speed worked against me, I couldn’t get much of a grip on the ice when she would cut left or bank right. It probably took me 3 or 4 minutes before I got her and tossed her into the nearest snowbank and lips like a someone starved.
Remember I live i Alaska. The state is a small town. Everyone doesn’t know everyone else, but everyone probably knows 1 in 10 people on the street. I knew the cop whose car i was sitting in. We weren’t friends. but we knew each other. He was a few years older. Our mothers knew one another.
My future wife had just recently moved from Italy. She was not Italian, but was stationed there a few years before coming here
I didn’t know what he was saying. It was all background noise to me. He was lecturing me. Something about how this was going to be the talk of the town and I would probably get charged with something. He asked me “Just what the hell I thought I was doing chasing some woman down the sidewalk on a busy street naked as the day I was born in the middle of December!!” Your mother is going to beat your ass, you know this is going to be the talk of the town.’ I’m paraphrasing. I don’t know hat he said.
My mind was on her.
I remember sitting in that cop car and thinking to myself…..
this woman….
She’s the one…… I’m going to marry this woman. She’s going to be the mother of my children.
It was a profound realization. Like it was manifest destiny.
We had twins. One boy, one girl. That was more than 20 years ago now, and I was head over heels.
Oh Thomas, I love this so so much :)). Thank you for sharing it. Love it.
<3 <3
Ferns
I’m glad you enjoyed.
I am nearing 50 years of age now and to say I have lived a full life would be an understatement. I feel I lived more then 10 average people. When I sit and talk with people so many have no stories to tell.
Most have never been arrested, never stared death in the face, never done anything like become best friends over beers with the guy your girlfriend cheated on with (after you kicked his ass). Few have made fools of themselves in front of crowds of people for no other reason that to just do something they had never done before. Really most can’t even say they have done much more in their sex life then the missionary position. The wild ones have perhaps done it doggie style or maybe in a dark alley. Few can say they did it at a concert surrounded by 100 people within 50 feet that most had no idea and were having to much fun to care it they did; or in a train bathroom (which isn’t much bigger then a plane bathroom.) and upon leaving there was a line 10 people long that was in for quite the eye brow raising when they saw the young lady come out and then the man trying to go in bump in the man coming out.
I’m sure this site is different and the activity does seem to be gaining popularity, but I think its still safe to say that most men can’t say they allowed a woman to own them for any amount of time. Let her lock it up and hand over the key. I’m a pretty manly man and I can tell you, as I know you know. A man can become submissive pretty quickly and will actually be surprised at how deep that submission might go. It’s sometimes hard for the logical conscious mind, that may no longer be in frenzied state of lust to wrap itself around what just happened or that it was really you who did it.
I won’t even write on here some of the things my last mistress had me do. Yikes! She was dangerous. Those that have handed over the key, can you say you have played the other dynamic and taught more then a few lessons to a sub on her knees as a Dom?
That last one won’t even be appealing in the least to many of the subs here and I get that. But do test your limits in both directions. If you don’t like spinach or Brussels sprouts try them again with an open mind and no predetermined expectations. You might be surprised.
I grew up without any money but my smarts and my work ethic made me my first million before I was 30. During those days when everything I touched began to turn to gold, I made over half a million i n one night on a penny stock. Whew! That was exciting.
I have had so much in my life I am truly grateful. I struggle to make ends meet now and am actually back in school, but there is no telling where going forward I will end up. Could be on the streets for all I know. But that would only be one more experienced I can say I experienced that not everyone has. I certainly haven’t yet and I’ll avoid it if I am able. I’m pretty resourceful so I am probably going to be able.
But the point being, most people do not truly live. For whatever reason they become scared of what might happen and they choose their safe and secure lives over truly experiencing what life has to offer. You can never truly know happiness, joy and satisfaction without experiencing in nearly equal amounts that of pain, despair and tribulation. It’s the experience of one that gives the other its existence. The height of our meaning and fulfillment in this life that we will experience will usually match that of the depths of the darkness we have endured.
Both sides of the coin, become meaningful life experiences.
If anyone younger reads this, from someone who has lived life to its fullest understand this:
You are not taking anything with you and none of us are getting out of here alive.
So take some chances. Take risks. Hold yourself to a standard of excellence you can look in the mirror and be proud of . Work hard, play hard, love deeply, and always thank her when she allows you that precious orgasm. =)
I had to tailor that last one to the audience. It’s a great site you have here. I enjoy reading your perspective and outlook. As do approximately 200 others it would seem.
I’m glad my story pleased you and I was able to return a little something back to you in return for that which you have provided to me.
Last thing before I sign out to any of your readers reading this and to you yourself young lady. When people near the end of their lives it isn’t the thing they did that they regretted. It is the things they did not do that they most regret.
I have no regrets and I have at least another 20 years to cross out those few items left remaining in my bucket list. How many have you crossed out? What are you waiting for?