“If you are a slave in robes, if all you desire is to bend to the will of men, if you have no experience as a dominant personality, then you CANNOT handle me. You have been warned.”
See, I *should* find that profile text silly and petulant and childish.
But, I don’t. At all.
It amuses me, makes me smile. I find it interesting, intriguing, truthful, with an arrogance that is strangely appealing. This is a man who has had some disappointing experiences, one who is strong and confident, one who will not allow himself to be walked over, one who will take control if she doesn’t. I understand that, I enjoy it.
You might conclude from this that I like to be challenged to somehow ‘take’ his submission, that I like to struggle with him over it, to subdue him with my uber dommeliness. You would be wrong. Totally.
I will not fight for his submission, he either gives it, or he doesn’t. If he gives it, I expect him to do so willingly, to offer it to me on a silver platter, to beg me to take it. I am giving him what he badly *wants*, ultimately, by taking it.
But conversely, he should not offer it easily.
So, I won’t fight for it, he must offer it to me, but he must not hand it over easily. Did I ever mention that I am difficult? Yes, yes, I thought so.
Is that a mess of contradictions? No, not to me.
If I want him, if I want his submission, I will work for it. I *like* to work for it, I enjoy it immensely, I find it exciting and fun. I don’t do that by ‘uber domming’ him, somehow, into submission. I am not interested in those games, that is a falsity, it is not sustainable, it is not *me*.
I do that by being who I am, knowing what I want, engaging with him on every level, and expecting him to deliver. My expectations of him rise as we move forward, and he has to step up if he wants to come along for the ride. It really is that simple.
Simple? Ok, not simple. It is complex, but oh my, it is also hugely fun, fascinating, exciting, hot and delicious.
17 comments
I am so on board here Ferns, that said it's also rather annoyingly put,it assumes I want to handle the person and implies if I don't then I'm weak
Coug
Coug: “I am so on board here Ferns”
Welcome aboard!
“…that said it's also rather annoyingly put,it assumes I want to handle the person and implies if I don't then I'm weak”
I re-read it a few times, and I am not sure how you got that out of it. I'm not assuming anything or implying anything about anyone except the profile writer and me.
Ferns
“If you are a slave in robes, if all you desire is to bend to the will of men, if you have no experience as a dominant personality, then you CANNOT handle me. You have been warned.”
– Oh dear, that chimes for me, Miss Ferns. Vanilla partners who try to act dominant, but can't keep it up and, eventually, have tried to push me into the dominant role instead. Depressing.
Sir Puppington Lothian.
puppy: “Vanilla partners who try to act dominant, but can't keep it up and, eventually, have tried to push me into the dominant role instead.”
*nod* I put that entire situation in a different basket. If they are vanilla and they are trying to 'be dominant for you'… that's really difficult.
Your example of them trying to push you into the dominant role is probably less common than them just 'giving up' because it doesn't work for them.
I think the most common thing with incompatibility (which is all “you cannot handle me” really is) is that she just doesn't feel dominant with him and he just doesn't feel submissive with her, that's all.
But either way, the end result is the same, sadly… it doesn't work.
Ferns
“
Your example of them trying to push you into the dominant role is probably less common than them just 'giving up' because it doesn't work for them. “
Is that common? It's hard for me to imagine. If I like a woman, feel attracted to her and know that she is 'of the dominant persuasion' . . . hmmm. I've always assumed that I'd learn to like the ways in which she wants to be dominant. But I don't know. It's beyond my experience, really.
Sir Puppington Lothian.
puppy: “Is that common? It's hard for me to imagine. If I like a woman, feel attracted to her and know that she is 'of the dominant persuasion' . . . hmmm.”
Well, I was talking about your vanilla experiences, rather than dominant women, but I think it applies either way.
I suspect that the profile writer here struck dominant women who engaged with him, then allowed him to walk all over them without asserting themselves. I honestly have no idea how common it is, but I hear of it often enough that I assume it's common enough.
In those cases, I suspect they each turned away frustrated thinking the other was “not dominant/submissive enough” (a wannabe, a fake etc etc) when I assume it comes down to simple compatibility. They were probably just a bad match.
“I've always assumed that I'd learn to like the ways in which she wants to be dominant.”
I think different people deal with this differently. For me, from the other side, a submissive either pushes my buttons or not. It really doesn't matter how much I like him, if he doesn't push my dommey buttons, I can't take the D/s side of it anywhere. I am sure it's the same with many submissives also, no matter how much they might want it to be different.
Ferns
“I will not fight for his submission, he either gives it, or he doesn't.”
I see a D/s relationship, like any other,as a growth process. The dynamic builds as trust, respect, and love are established.
Over time, the final giving of submission would be the natural end result.
slapshot: “I see a D/s relationship, like any other,as a growth process. The dynamic builds as trust, respect, and love are established.”
*nod nod* And that's what I mean by working for it. You didn't think I meant 'give it up front' did you? No, I thought not.
Ferns
Miss Ferns,
You could have saved yourself a lot of typing, re your contradictory nature, etc., if you'd just admitted that though you're a Domme, you're still only a woman. Of course you're not going to be brassy and upfront with your dommieness!
Miss Rita Chevrolet (Sir Puppington Lothian's personal assistant and masseuse)
pp
Sir Puppington.
puppy: “…if you'd just admitted that though you're a Domme, you're still only a woman.”
In the corner… NOW! Bad puppy, bad!!!
“Miss Rita Chevrolet (Sir Puppington Lothian's personal assistant and masseuse)”
You know, of course, that getting dressed up in a frock and giving yourself a girl's name doesn't make your imaginary friend real, don't you?
Ferns
“In the corner… NOW! Bad puppy, bad!!!”
You dommed me nicely there. Thank you! ;-)
Sir Puppington Lothian.
“In those cases, I suspect they each turned away frustrated thinking the other was “not dominant/submissive enough” (a wannabe, a fake etc etc) . . . “
Yesssss – that old, old complaint. I've been on the receiving end of that one before. I think I'd put it down to BDSM-website-isis nowadays. Too much reading of what other people take to be 'real dominance or 'real submission'.
Sir Puppington Lothian.
“You know, of course, that getting dressed up in a frock and giving yourself a girl's name doesn't make your imaginary friend real, don't you?” I nearly choked on my bacon sarnie laughing RIGHT there!
Coug
I believe you summed up your feelings on the matter of “taking submission” quite succinctly when you posted the following …
It is not passive, it is not a stillness… it is movement and dance and invitation and offering, a distress signal sent straight to my heart.
puppy: “You dommed me nicely there. Thank you!”
You are most welcome… oh wait… I mean:
Shush, puppy! Nobody gave you permission to speak!
[“not dominant/submissive enough”]”I've been on the receiving end of that one before.”
Well, I hope you gave them what for in your most dominant manner…
Ferns
Coug: “I nearly choked on my bacon sarnie laughing RIGHT there!”
*laugh* Great image!!!
Ferns
slapshot: “I believe you summed up your feelings on the matter of “taking submission” quite succinctly when you posted the following …”
Oh. My. God. You quoted me at me! I love that!!!
And what a great sentence… geez… wish I had written that… oh wait… I DID! Huzzah!!
Ferns