I was talking with a friend about representation of BDSMers and F/m in particular, and how important it is to see normal healthy F/m relationships, to see versions of ourselves, ‘people like us’, and how rare it really is.

In the F/m world, the only people who actively court publicity, who do marketing, who are quoted in the media, who show their faces openly, who make noise, are pro-Dommes and findoms. And marketing is inevitably the glam and the glitter and the roleplaying.

Everyone else pretty much keeps their heads below the vanilla-flavoured parapet and does their thing quietly and … Continue Reading

There are multiple reasons why I’m shit at casual. It’s not just one thing, but they all end up in the same shitpile.

I’m going to reiterate up-front that my inability to do casual is not the cougarling’s fault: He was, if anything, on the wrong side of my failed experiment, and that failure sits on my side.

The main issue is that I can’t work up passion for someone I’m not all that interested in.

With the cougarling, we got something going to a point in his previous visits because I was ‘doing the work’: I was doing emotional, … Continue Reading

I just read a couple of tweets by Suzannah Weiss, a Teen Vogue writer (in case you aren’t aware, Teen Vogue has run more politically and socially enlightened articles than a lot of mainstream media in the last few years, so aren’t just ‘fashion and fluff for young girls’).

The tweets were essentially ‘Holy fuck men in society in general are selfish in bed!’

What if sex went like this: As "foreplay," a woman had intercourse with a man until he got REALLY excited. Then, he performed oral sex while she rubbed his balls or something else almost completely

Normal stuff, you know.

Cougarling
I’m trying to set up a time for the cougarling to come visit for a weekend: Kissing, touching, rope, all of that kind of thing. He’s moved since his ’24 hour drive’ type distance, but it’s still a long way, either a flight or a ton of driving. He suggested next weekend, but I already have (not-kinky) plans for the next two weekends, so then it’s getting into July.

Femdom fiction
Writing this damn femdom fiction. Fiction is ridiculously hard for me. I’ve had one person read my work-in-progress because I was truly stalled, but … Continue Reading