bambi/  femdom dating/  First/  musing

Non-monogamy and me

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Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it.

I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.

Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to home. There are multiple reasons why he’s ‘complicated’, that catch-all euphemism that can mean anything, but the term covers the overall state of him well. … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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femdom dating/  First/  photo

Weekend with my First

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We met at my gym. Me waiting impatiently. My First driving in from the airport.

We were both smiling as he walked in, a big hug hello, a kiss on the lips (did I go for the cheek? I can’t remember, but already I felt how soft his mouth was, how his touch lingered just a microsecond too long). A quick visual familiarisation, a reconciliation of ancient memory with the man in front of me.

He looked good. Unsurprising. We had exchanged a few pictures, but I had also stalked his Facebook where there were plenty of photos of him: … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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femdom dating/  First

Goodnight kiss

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“It’s late,” I said. An obvious ‘end of the evening’ type fact: It was 1am.

He nodded agreement, got up from the couch.

We wandered over to the door. I smiled, thanked him for the wonderful dinner.

I stood a little taller than him in my heels. We were essentially eye-to-eye, standing a little too close. A slight hesitance, both leaning in for a kiss.

It was a quizzical kind of kiss. A question mark. Very sweet, whispering of curiosity. My fingers went automatically around the front of his throat, holding him there.

Soft, his lips. So soft.

Lingering tender … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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First

Weekend with my First, by my First

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My First just left a comment about our weekend on my last post about it.

Since a) I know how much I love it when I get to hear both sides of a story and b) it’s so lovely and c) I haven’t written anything about it (yet), I’m posting his comment here.

A glimpse, as fascinating to me as to anyone else.

___

There may be some people wondering how this weekend turned out. Ferns will most likely write a blog post summarizing her perspective on events.

For me… I’m struggling to express the profound impact that she … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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First/  my boy

Putting the past to bed

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My First arrives today.

This morning he said he got up to this song. Unbeknownst to me, it’s one that he has associated with me for a long long time.

The first time I heard that song was when my last submissive sent it to me. Similarly (and in a weird coincidence), he also saw me, and us, in it.

The difference:

  • For my last, it was a song about passion, kink, power, love.
  • For my First, it’s a song about an unhealthy relationship, obsession, hurt, badness.

They are both right, of course.

I said I had no expectations of … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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First/  meeting

A date with my First

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Next weekend my First is flying in to spend the weekend.

He’s arriving on Saturday morning, staying nearby overnight, and heading off Sunday. He’s hired a car, so there’ll be no picking him up at the airport in fabulous heels and doing that squinty-confused face where I’m terrified I won’t recognise him.

In fact, we’re meeting at my gym (not kidding!). He’s a gym-head from way back (his body reflects this… phew!) and I asked him to put together a new program for me since I’m stagnating with what I’m doing now.

So we’ll reintroduce ourselves with him walking me … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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First/  musing/  QnA

If I knew then… (alt: on being a bitch)

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Hi Ferns.

I have been spellbound by your relationship with your first. One because you have talked about it so b’fully and secondly because despite being deeply submissive I can be the the kind of person who would not give his mistress the shirt he was about to throw away.

Having aspergers I have considerable difficulty understanding people’s intentions and having been emotionally manipulated and bullied as a child I can be quite suspicious. I am also at that age when I can tell when something is wrong but not the experience or understanding to do something about it. So … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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