femdom dating/  musing

Going silent

18 Comments

Ruby Ryder wrote a post about how a spate of potential partners she had been talking to suddenly stopped communicating with her and essentially disappeared.

If you’ve been following along here, you’ll know that it happened to me with the sex-voiced Texan not so long ago. The sex-voiced Texan was the first to do this at a stage where I was invested to the point of talking about travelling internationally to meet him, so it hit me pretty hard. There have been other times (in fact I tweeted about one earlier today who turned back up in my inbox), but … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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femdom dating

Cold call emails

19 Comments

I’ve mentioned before that I send out emails to submissive men who look interesting to me. Well, I say ‘submissive men’, but on OKCupid, I also sent emails to interesting-looking vanilla men (holy fuck beautiful eyes was one of those). I know I’m not the only (dominant) woman who does that.

And I know that a lot of submissive men would have this idea that the result of me doing that is a foregone conclusion. The man replies, is beside himself with shock and joy, puts his best foot forward, and we hold hands and merrily skip away.

That’s … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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femdom dating/  musing/  vanilla

Vanilla vs D/s interactions

21 Comments

The truth is that I am harsher with men in my vanilla interactions than I am with men in my D/s ones. It’s not conscious really, it’s instinctive, but it’s absolutely true.

With submissive men that I am interested in, I trust that their heart is in the right place, that they are genuinely trying, that any issues will be easily and quietly rectified if I say a word or raise an eyebrow. Because that’s the kind of relationship that we both want. I’m also very aware of not waving my dominance over them like it’s some big stick, hyper-aware … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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bambi/  femdom dating/  First/  musing

Non-monogamy and me

11 Comments

Peroxide over at Submissive in Seattle wrote an introspective post about polyamory for the mono-amorous where he talks about what it was like to be in a poly relationship when he’s mono-amorous. Short version: it’s tough. Long version: go read it.

I’ve been meaning to write something about non-monogamy (really, non-monoamory, but god, what an awkward word!) for a while.

Partly because my First now identifies as non-monogamous so it’s come a little closer to home. There are multiple reasons why he’s ‘complicated’, that catch-all euphemism that can mean anything, but the term covers the overall state of him well. … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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femdom dating/  First/  photo

Weekend with my First

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We met at my gym. Me waiting impatiently. My First driving in from the airport.

We were both smiling as he walked in, a big hug hello, a kiss on the lips (did I go for the cheek? I can’t remember, but already I felt how soft his mouth was, how his touch lingered just a microsecond too long). A quick visual familiarisation, a reconciliation of ancient memory with the man in front of me.

He looked good. Unsurprising. We had exchanged a few pictures, but I had also stalked his Facebook where there were plenty of photos of him: … Continue Reading

Loves: 16
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femdom dating/  First

Goodnight kiss

60 Comments

“It’s late,” I said. An obvious ‘end of the evening’ type fact: It was 1am.

He nodded agreement, got up from the couch.

We wandered over to the door. I smiled, thanked him for the wonderful dinner.

I stood a little taller than him in my heels. We were essentially eye-to-eye, standing a little too close. A slight hesitance, both leaning in for a kiss.

It was a quizzical kind of kiss. A question mark. Very sweet, whispering of curiosity. My fingers went automatically around the front of his throat, holding him there.

Soft, his lips. So soft.

Lingering tender … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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femdom dating/  femdom relationships/  musing

Traditional power signifiers and D/s

29 Comments

I like to think I’m above it, of course: giving value to traditional power signifiers conveyed by social norms.

But I’m not.

Education, sophistication, success, intelligence, achievement, wealth are all ways that many of us ‘traditionally’ place people on the power spectrum. I know some of you are now going ‘not all of us!’ and I know that. I ALSO want to go ‘not me!’, but that’s not true. I’m pretty solidly middle class and grew up with those values.

I recently spied on some people I used to know at school and university using my friend Google, and my … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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