advice for Dommes/  QnA

Reader Q&A: Risk taking, safe words & nurturing doms

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I sometimes shy away from publishing posts that are quite personal. I read and re-read them and tweak and re-tweak them, but in truth what I am doing is stalling while I psyche myself into it. Strange that it should still feel difficult sometimes, even after so long.

So thank you to those who submit questions on my Ask page. You give me an excuse to gently sidestep.

___

Hello again, Ferns! And thanks for answering! XD

Since my last question there has been some changes: my “bro” (let’s just call him that) broke up with his girlfriend, apparently … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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advice/  advice for Dommes/  QnA

Reader Q&A: Non-romantic D/s, erotica, damage

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It’s December. I have just returned from 5 days up in the mountains with family. I have just invited family to stay with me for 3 or 4 days. Then I will spend Christmas day with family.

I love them dearly, but this time of year sucks my very limited social energy up like a huge black hole of suckiness.

Thank you to those who popped a question on my Asks page: you are my saviours from paralysed silence!

___

Hullo! I just found your blog today, and holy shit am I loving this or what. (I spent half … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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advice/  advice for Dommes/  QnA

Reader Q&A: Books, punishment, & humiliation

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Some of these have questions been languishing in my inbox for a while (sorry about that, lovely question-askers). I keep saying that I love getting ‘asks’ (I do!), but then I hoard them like a little treasure trove in my inbox. I have that dilemma of deciding when the ‘asks’ become weighty enough for a blog post, and then I forget to keep track of how many there are.

I should just stop thinking that I can respond in a timely manner!

Regardless of timeliness (or not!), here we go…

___

Dear Ferns,

Can one ever have to many books? … Continue Reading

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advice/  advice for Dommes/  QnA

Reader QnA: How do I start? Advice for a new dominant

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Do you have any advice or a sort of primer for girls who want to experiment with being a domme? Like how to find partners, how to open that dialogue, what kind of ‘moves’ to try, what equipment is needed, how to explore the realm of activity… it really appeals to me, but I don’t know where to start.

Hello there anonymous asker,

These are great and huge questions.

My first piece of advice is to clarify in your own mind what ‘being a domme’ means to you. There’s no ‘one true way’ to be a dominant. D/s relationships run … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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advice/  advice for Dommes/  advice for male subs/  musing/  QnA

Reader Q&A: How to explain that he wants to be ‘used’

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I really want to do a bunch of ‘How to’ posts to cover ‘hints and tips for newbies’ because I see these kinds of questions all the time from both potential submissives and from potential dominants. They’re great questions that many people struggle with in one way or another.

Hello. when answering questions you often say to new Dom’s not take the airy fairy stuff like ‘I want to fulfil all your fantasies’ and ask their partners for more details. But what if a sub really gets turned on by the idea of being used instead of any particular acts. … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
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advice/  advice for Dommes/  advice for male subs

What happens if your submissive disobeys?

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Edited To Add: Here’s a link to the post with my answer to this question and advice for anyone who’s struggling with it in their dynamic:
When your submissive says ‘no’

I was going to write a post pontificating about this, as I tend to do, and then I thought I’d ask you all instead of blathering on about it from my own point of view.

For both submissives and dominants:

In your relationship, what happens when the submissive disobeys?

For the purposes of this question, I am using the word ‘disobey’ to mean ‘to refuse or fail to follow … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
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advice/  advice for Dommes/  QnA

Reader Q&A: Domination on his timetable

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Hello wonderful Ferns,

I have started seeing a beautiful boi, who is alpha plus in his day job. This also means he is extremely busy. Sometimes this makes it hard to dominate him as we kind of work to his clock. I am okish with this as I admire his work, actually it really turns me on.. blah blah ANYWAY… Have you been in a similar position and how did you manage it? Or, alternatively do you know of some fet groups or blogs that discuss similar dynamics (im looking for tips, discussions on problems that come up). My biggest … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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