Note: This is not current, it’s a previously-written draft from my stash.
Against my better judgement, and with twitter encouragement, I offered to meet a submissive with whom I had exchanged only one email. I happened to be in his town for the weekend, and look, that kind of ‘hello, let’s meet’ works for some people, soooo…
I couldn’t make the meeting in the end, which meant we had a chance to email further and see if we were actually at all compatible.
And honestly, THIS is why I never ‘just meet’ men after an email or two. I don’t enjoy those meetings and if I’m going to do it, I want to know that there we have a chance. This vs making the time and effort to meet someone with whom I am clearly incompatible.
So after the get-together didn’t pan out he sent me an email that was so many levels of incompatible I don’t even know where to start.
—
From him:
Its not a deal breaker, but assuming we click, the interactions will be limited to occasional weekends. I hope you’re not further away south than This Town. That Town would be better :)
Now, what would you like to know about me to check if we are compatible?
Hmm…to my possible detriment, I will try to break the ice by giving you a bit of a verbal blab from the sub. I hope you will see a positive side of it.
Here we go…
If you want this to progress further, please take more initiative and stop thanking me for replies. It is off putting. I am drawn to women who are demanding, expect the world revolves around them and are used to get what they want, whenever they want it. What I want and how I feel is secondary, you do not need to be super polite.
As said on your profile, ‘I know what I want and lose interest if I do not get it’, well, it is exactly the same for me, and for everyone I guess.
Hope to hear from you soon. No pressure, of course :).
Maybe we should start by getting off the CS messaging plat… hmm…here I am, taking the lead again… I cant stop it…someone put me in place, please…
—
From me:
I appreciate your honesty. Unsurprisingly, I don’t change my behaviour because it doesn’t suit what a submissive wants. We have hit a clear incompatibility issue here, so I’m going to opt out.
Best of luck finding what you’re looking for.
And this, Dave, is why I’m single…
10 comments
It’s a common internal response with a lot of people I’ve seen, and at least he put it out there so you could nope it rather than many situations where they say what they think you want and then manipulate what they want out of you. So, good for being up front and not wasting your time I guess?
Whilst part of me is good for knowing what you want… another part of me cries out noooooo they are so missing the point. You are just two people, finding out if there is a click, you aren’t dominant and submissive, how could he possibly know what changes between it being two people sounding each other out and being in a dynamic?
Part of me asks what is appealing about someone that will be drawn to anyone that will just be all demanding rather than they want to be in that position because it’s you.
Part of me screams at the prospect of sulking and topping from the bottom if they don’t the bossy demanding shit stuff and their subby feelings fulfilled if you don’t keep in the role they have in their head for you, with no possibility you’d like to be whole a whole person and maybe you know, also cherish their partner sometimes (even if occasionally – I mean, I’m assuming we are going for a relationship here by your past history).
Part of me screams about the style of communication on display. I mean, he got it out there, and I do see what is in his head (been there, thought I wanted that and knew everything, learnt it wasn’t all about those nice subby feeling moments). Even if this… this is what he really wants there are so much better ways of going about it. The biggest to me at this stage is not making expectations on each other but discussing how you do things. Ask so Ferns, how do you do things with a partner, what’s your style? Ask what changes in how you approach someone as ‘neutral stranger’ to ‘someone I’m involved with’. Ask how you feel about a scenario and find out what this person you are talking to is like, rather than trying to change them into your expectations. Find out about them, tell them about your ways and see if there is compatibility or enough overlap.
I could say more but I’m trying to stick to positives ‘do things’ as I’m aware I’m an opinionated git at the moment as this whole world situations seriously sucks and I really really miss someone and am Mr Cyn icalCrankypants.
Thankyou for sharing another educational insight into how the minds of how some* dominant women work.
* other flavours may be available
“Its” instead of “It’s” as his first word? Not gonna happen! I think you should name the town he was In so we can all avoid it or move away if we live there. That’s not excessive is it?
@Anonymous: Heh. That too.
And yes, that DOES seem a little excessive :P.
Ferns
@puppykitty: *laugh* Yes to ALL of that.
It IS good that he knows what he wants, but even in that, he could have said ‘here’s what works for me’, but he didn’t. He literally said ‘please stop doing what you’re doing and behave in these ways for my satisfaction’.
For me the overarching NOPE was the very common (and you’re right: mostly unspoken) attitude of:
‘I like women who know what they want, now let me tell you how to go about expressing that so that you do it right, in these very specific ways that please me…’.
I know 100% that from this starting point that attitude would never end: It would be endless rounds of him telling me how to behave for his approval.
Yeah, bye.
Ferns
How dare you not be the D he’s looking for! Honestly Ferns shape up
Coug
I knooooooowww. I’m so ashamed at my inadequacies.
Ferns
A rather pushy “sub,” I’d say. Takes balls to come out the gate telling you what to do and how he likes it.
Yep: I’m all for knowing what you want, and it probably wouldn’t have made the blog if he hadn’t explicitly framed it was ‘you’re doin’ it wrong, here’s what I expect’.
WTAF?! LOL.
Ferns
Wow, that is completely ridiculous haha. I can’t believe he actually sent you that and thought you would be intrigued.
“Limited to occasional weekends”
Randomly capitalizing stuff and hoping you’re from a different town “That Town would be better”
“If you want this to progress further”
“It is off putting to be polite”
“What I want”
“Act like the world revolves around you”
“Maybe we should get off CS platform”
“Somebody put me in my place, please”
0/10 and the height of delusion haha
I do think Collarspace draws a more…. casual crowd than Fetlife.
Bahahaha, right?
Though to be clear: I put ‘This Town’ and ‘That Town’ in as placeholders for actual place names. Privacy and all that :).
But yeah, the cognitive dissonance of ‘I like a woman who knows what they want, now behave how I like’ blows my fuckin’ mind.
Ferns