There is a very predictable ebb and flow to my dating endeavors.
I will do a flurry of activity, reaching out, meeting people, engaging positively.
And then I am done.
Like… really done.
I’m exhausted by the effort involved in trawling web sites, in engaging with potential partners, in the social exchange, in meeting up, in all the mental and emotional work involved in it.
I will give it a solid go for a hot minute, then I need to hide in my cave for a while, regroup, cycle up some energy for the next round.
I’m in the trough at the moment.
I did my run at it, and now I’m spent.
I see notifications from the vanilla site that men ‘liked’ me, sent me messages. But the way it’s set up is that I have to work to find the messages, and that’s a level of effort I’m unable to muster up at the moment.
On the BDSM site, I sent a message to a submissive man who seemed great. He replied and I’m struggling to work up the interest to engage further. Not his fault.
It’s my birthday week, and apart from any personal reflections, I have family & friend things going on, including three lunches where I will have good champagne and feel lucky that lovely people want to spend time celebrating my birth. But it’s still exhausting.
My traditional birthday nude will be posted on my actual birthday later this week. I was tossing up whether to do it because I wasn’t feeling it, but I’m seriously happy with it and excited to share it with you so keep an eye out (or just join my mailing list to make sure you don’t miss out) :).
In the meantime, I feel like I’m laying low, hunkered down in my underground bunker, waiting for some compelling prey to literally wander into my line of sight so I can just reach out a claw and grab him.
I’m right here. Come on already.
21 comments
You have champers, all is well
Coug
I do, and that is a very valid point :).
Ferns
Oh and Happy Birthday. . . I think
I know it’s just after mine
Coug
Is it?
Then HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)). Hope it was wonderful.
Ferns
I was thinking the other day how impressed I am with your efforts in getting out there. I know what I would like but the amount of work and effort it takes to ‘get out there’ seems insurmountable. And generally find being single and unattached with little responsibility in that regard fucking awesome! So just kinda…. give up and lay low…. But nevertheless, when I do finally muster the energy or drive, you will inspire me. Happy Birthday week fantastic woman!
It *does* seem insurmountable, yes, and everything you say is absolutely relateable.
I try and make a big effort if I have even an inkling of the emotional energy to do it but I have to be quick because it runs out fast :).
I hope that when you do find the energy, it proves fruitful.
And thank you for the birthday wishes :).
Ferns
Very much the pattern of an Introvert.
Pretty much, yes :).
Ferns
I truely hope you have a lovely Birthday! ????
Thank you :).
Ferns
Very excited about the birthday nude. So you’re not saying which day you’ll be posting it? But doesn’t that mean I have to constantly be checking back? You KNOW it does!
But I’m very happy to hear it. And frustrated for… how many days?
Oh, you wrote some other stuff too. My short term memory doesn’t really work after the borthday nude news. I’m sure it was great and I completely agree with you or support you or sympathize.
I’ll be posting it ON MY BIRTHDAY, duh! *laugh*
And yes, constant checking is mandatory.
Or you could just join my mailing list and it will be delivered straight into your inbox with no effort on your part… :).
Ferns
You’re not alone. I think the hardest part about figuring out what I am (femdom) is realizing that finding viable partners in a vanilla relationship are hard enough, let alone finding viable partners who can fulfill my personal appetite. Yet, it is an ebb and flow, and each wave is better than the last.
Happy Birthday, you wonderful, phenomenal woman. Thank you for your honesty. You’ve really helped me come to terms with accepting myself and knowing that while it is not always easy, it is worth it.
*is (:
Thank you so much, and I’m so glad if I’ve helped you in your self-discovery in some small way.
May we all find what we seek :).
Ferns
I can totally relate, but don’t lose hope. I’m a widowed male sub who went through close to ten years of on-line looking before somebody, also widowed, picked me out on a vanilla site. Long story short, she’s moved in, we’ve gotten engaged, and we’re making wedding plans. It’s hard to keep up the sense of possibility over an extended period of time, but it does happen.
That’s so lovely and hopeful to hear, thank you for sharing it. Huge congratulations :)).
Maybe you’d like to tell your happy femdom story at some stage, hmmm?
Ferns
Great post Mistress, can so relate to this, the eternal struggle between being a introvert sub but still wanting and needing to get out and serve and be owned by the right domme in a true mutually beneficial relationship-so often one cancels out the other…
Love the blog, the podcast, pretty much everything you do and produce in your domme journey.
Thanks so much for sharing and opening up your piece of our beautiful BDSM world.
I’m not glad you can relate, really, though shared experiences are valuable regardless.
I am glad you’re liking my content though, thank you :).
Ferns
That’s a nice flower.
It is, isn’t it? :)
Ferns