Happy femdom story: Regina

In the wake of my last few personal posts, I thought I’d share some happies.

Regina generously shared her story for my Happy Femdom Stories Vol 2 book. She talks about the process of seeking, the dead ends, the barriers, and how she tackled them to find her happy-ever-after submissive partner. She moved a long way to be with him, and they have been blissfully coupled up ever since.

Enjoy :).
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Author: Regina

In 2010, at age 54, I was widowed for the second time. My husband died unexpectedly and it threw me for a loop. In the same month, in addition to losing my husband, I retired from my career and moved to a different state where I knew no one.

My husband and I had planned to retire in the distant state. We’d bought a 30-acre rural property and he was working on our home when he died. So following his death I finished building the house, moved into it and became a bit of a hermit. I met local people, joined a local quilt guild, spent time with my in-laws and generally retired from the world. I thought the “love and connection” part of my life was over.

In October of 2014 I woke up. My sister-in-law remarried and her new husband was my age. I thought, “Hmmm, if Steve was young enough to find a new relationship, maybe I could, too”. I’d been a project manager in my professional life so I sat down and tackled the concept of finding a new partner as a project.

First, I did an assessment: What did I offer and what did I want? What resources did I have and what was I willing to spend in time, effort and, yes, money, in finding a new partner.

I lived in a very sparsely populated area where there were no prospects of a good vanilla match, let alone a kinky one. So I realized early-on that I needed to cast a wide net, and I would probably need to relocate. I knew I wanted a D/s relationship; a relationship with no authority exchange and no kink just wouldn’t work for me. I wanted a man near my age, one with whom I could have a complete relationship, a man I could introduce to family and friends. And I wanted a man who had his financial house in order; I didn’t want or need a man to support me, but neither did I want to support him.

So I wrote a profile. I joined FetLife and the old Collar Space. I attended a large, general munch in my state and a Femdom munch in a neighboring state.

I corresponded with men. I learned to be wary of some things and to look for other things. For instance I found plenty of men were happy to email but were too afraid to meet in person. I learned men of my age who were inexperienced could be dangerous because they often were ashamed of their interest in D/s and their kinks. I learned that for me it was the best use of my time to meet a potential partner soon—within a few weeks of initial contact. I found that the longer correspondence lasted, the more wild expectations and hopes grew. For me it was best to meet right away and see if there was chemistry. If there wasn’t, no harm, no foul; but it saved wasting time, energy and effort.

I flew to several distant cities to meet potential partners. I even dated a man for seven months who broke up with me suddenly and without explanation; I later learned he’d lied to me about his experience and his relationship with his late wife and his daughter, and that he was ashamed of his kinks.

Following this break-up I went to London for a month. While I was there I got a private message via FetLife from a man. He and I had exchanged a few messages over the course of a year, friendly messages, no more. He’d originally contacted me based on a post I made on a Group thread. He sympathized with my recent break-up and eventually asked to meet me.

He was in Southern California, the area where I spent the first 50 years of my life. He was smart and funny. We seemed to have numerous interests in common and, more important, seemed to share the same values. He’d been divorced for 20 years and had raised two adult children. He was a successful professional who owned his own practice. So, once I returned to the US, we arranged to meet.

Oddly enough, two dominant women I knew in Southern California knew him. Neither seemed to think he was the man of my dreams, but both said he was a good guy, he was who he said he was, and they liked him.

We met for dinner and … he got cold feet. He decided I wasn’t the one for him. I prepared to return home and go back to the drawing board. But when I was driving to the airport he called me and said he’d changed his mind. He asked to see me again. And the rest, as they say, is history.

It was easier for me to travel than for him, especially since I was retired and he still works. I split my time between our states for a few months, then re-located to Southern California. We’ve now been together for two and a half years (ed. Over three years now :)).

My partner just turned 63 and I’ll turn 63 in a week. Our story proves it is possible to form a relationship even later in life. We’ve both made adjustments and re-learned how to live in close quarters with another person. But I am more compatible with him than with any man I’ve ever met.

I find many people my age talk about the impossibility of finding a compatible partner and, yes, it can be a challenge. But I also find most people aren’t willing to pay the price of a relationship. They won’t travel. They won’t relocate. They won’t re-arrange their lives to accommodate another person. But there are no free lunches here. I firmly believe we make the time and devote the resources to what’s important to us. So ask yourself: How important is a relationship to you? What are you willing to “pay” for the love of your life?

Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be.
—Robert Browning

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This post is part of an ongoing project to share positive happy femdom relationship stories. If you’re in a joyful femdom relationship and have a story you’d like to tell, I’d be delighted to share it. Please see my call out request for the details, and send it on to me.

If you like this story, you will love my books of Happy Femdom Stories: Volume 1 | Volume 2