First meeting and onwards

My First and I met in a BDSM chat room, on IRC. I can’t remember the details. What I remember is that we were attracted to each other, got chatting, emailing, talking, we exchanged photos. There was definitely something there.

He was some 6 years younger at 25, lived about 900kms away, had just finished his masters. He was restless, was looking to move, he was unhappy where he was, I can’t remember why exactly. He had had what to me seemed like a lot of BDSM experience: lots of different partners, lots of different kinds of public play, lots … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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Past-me

I found a copy of my old hand-coded blog from the time my First and I were in our relationship. I wonder if there was a private journal also, but I haven’t taken the time to really look for it. My blog at the time was also BDSM-focussed (oh, what a surprise!), documenting my early explorations and relationships, but the content is frustratingly sporadic and incomplete. My play posts about my First were based on what I wrote there.

My First had access to the blog (indeed, the first time he told me he loved me, he wrote it in … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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Showing off

I like it when he shows off for me.

In the beginning, when he doesn’t know me so well, it happens inadvertently. And I love that. It’s a huge compatibility marker for me. When he unconsciously says something in a particular way, moves just like ‘that’, gives me a look, does something that hits me like a freight train and I’m left reeling. He might, at that stage, know me well enough to see the impact but in case he doesn’t, I’m not subtle in letting him see my reaction. I *want* him to see it, I want to reward … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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Braille

They look impossibly soft, your lips. Cushiony silken velvet. They beckon me when your mouth forms words. I know you are speaking to me, I’m listening, truly I am. And my eyes will flick up to yours when I answer, when I move the conversation forward, then they will drop to your lips again as you speak to me some more.

I’m hypnotised by the movement of your mouth, the glimpses of your teeth, the slight curl on one side, the sudden flash as your mouth splits into a smile. I smile back, all the appropriate noises happening between us.… Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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Early sexual experiences Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Both this and my last post were prompted by this musing on twitter. My twitter comments were in turn prompted by seeing yet ANOTHER young woman asking for help to fix what was wrong with her that she couldn’t come from intercourse.

early sex

It hurts my heart that young women think there is something wrong with them because they can’t come from penis in vagina (PIV) sex. And obviously the men they are with also think that most (or all) women come that way. While stats vary, in 2005 Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd analysed 33 studies … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Early sexual experiences Part 1

I had my first non-solo orgasm with my boyfriend when I was about 16 or 17.

I was in my last year of high school, he was a year or two older, was at university.

Unlike other girls of my age, our dates involved going out for dinner. I don’t know why. Maybe I saw it in movies and insisted that that was what a date looked like. We would mostly go to a pub that wasn’t too far away and eat in their bistro. I’m sure I thought it was terribly sophisticated. I can’t recall if we would go … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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Patterns

I just read this post on Ann St Vincent’s blog, and it prompted more thoughts on habitual patterns of behaviour.

It’s easy to see patterns from the outside. So very easy.

People you know choosing the same kinds of partners (emotionally unavailable, clingy, distant, unreliable, incompatible etc etc), having the exact same interactions, running into the exact same problems over and over and over.

When you read a blog where someone shares their life, it’s all there in black and white, and you can sometimes watch them making the same mistakes over and over and not learning from them because … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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