I am all over the place with random thoughts, and I really can’t put them together into anything cohesive, so this is a collection of things I am thinking at the moment, in no particular order.

• I vacillate between feeling sweet with bambi and feeling sad, and much depends on the flavour of our last interaction
• Today I feel sweet, I didn’t want to let him go home this morning
• I want us to have amazing experiences together, but the context makes it challenging
• My bedroom smells like sex and lube and sweat
• Today I suddenly want to punch him.

I’m just going to place this here: a shot across the bow for all of you romantics and well-wishers, so you know what is coming… so I don’t feel like I am misleading you.

There will be no happy ending for bambi and me.

There, I said it, quietly, with regret.

I am not wanting to dwell on it or talk about it right now because I don’t want to spend what little time we have left spinning into the sadness that I know is coming. Writing about it requires me to explore that space, and I just don’t want … Continue Reading