“If wanting some degree of intelligence in those I speak with makes me a cow… Well, then. Moo, motherfucker.”
That partial quote from someone’s profile (I didn’t note whose!) made me laugh so hard.
I am intending to use it as a retort when I get a ridiculous email:
Random idiot: Helo Mistress, r u want 2 fuk my ass?
Me: Moo, motherfucker!
Random idiot: WTF?! U bitches b crazy!
This thought makes me laugh every time.
28 comments
LOL!
Rock on, Moostress Ferns!
*laugh* Boom-tish!
Ferns
At least answer random idiot’s question, are you wanting to fuck his ass or not?
Mu, motherfucker! (all credit to you, Tom Allen!)
Ferns
“Moo, motherfucker.”
Perfectly precious! It conveys an attitude of slightly unhinged derision without the use of a lot of unnecessary words. It’s also very versatile and can easily be applied to any number of everyday situations. I might just add it to my arsenal of pithy phrases.
Of course, I won’t use it when I go to court the week after next because I’m certain that they would view slightly unhinged derision as a negative thing. Those court people are always so serious.
“It’s also very versatile and can easily be applied to any number of everyday situations.”
Yes!! *laugh* Sooo many situations! Even in polite company, you can just quietly say “Moo…” and the meaning will be totally clear to those of us in the know.
Ferns
It reminds me of “Lincoln’s Riddle:”
“If a sheep’s tail is considered a leg, how many legs does a sheep have?”
“Five”
“No, only four. Calling a tail a leg does not make it so.”
Random idiot: Helo Mistress, r u want 2 fuk my ass?
Her: If I call your ear an ass, and head-fuck you, will that suffice?
Random idiot: WTF?! U bitches b crazy!
*laugh* These comments are so great!
The only issue with this one is that you used both the word ‘ass’ and ‘head-fuck’. You have just provided primo wank fodder to said random idiot.
A more likely response from him would look something like that:
Random idiot: How big is ur strap-on u use 2 fuk my hed? *fapfapfap*
If you substitute random kitchen appliances for actual body parts, then we would totally have a winner!
Ferns
I wouldn’t fuck his ass, cows or sheep.
Thank you for clarifying. I was worried about that. Satan is unpredictable.
Ferns
Mu Ferns! You are welcome. I didn’t see you there. I just try to keep the comments on topic.
Satan
A wanna-be sub asked a Domme “Does a strapon have kink nature or not?”
The Dominant answered “Mu, motherfucker!”
And unfortunately, the wanna-be was not enlightened.
Now THAT is brilliant!! *applause*
Ferns
Ferns, could your reply use a salutation?
What about “Dear Random,”?
Now we come to your message itself.
Your first draft:
“Moo, motherfucker” is funny. You are off to a great start.
But Peroxide made an important new point. This Random has sent you a question. Do you want to fuck his ass? At least let him know!
Your first edit:
“Mu, motherfucker” now says what you mean.
Why not “Mu, motherfucker”
http://catb.org/jargon/html/M/mu.html
In this case a link just helps the reader, if he needs help, to get at what you mean.
To me an open mind is one thing but to fuck an ass would be weird. I mean even if the ass didn’t mind! Ditto the cow or the sheep.
What about the closing? Why not use “Yours sincerely” or “Warmest regards,” or something like that?
I know you love to be funny and, most of all, warm and kind.
That’s why we all love you so much!
Good luck!
Satan
*laugh* I shall just have you field my correspondence so that you can add the appropriate salutations, answer the salient questions and be generally much nicer than me.
Ferns
Genius, swop around.
I’m sure that you will be a far better Satan than me.
Ferns
How was your day as me? Can we swop back now please! This was a bad idea! I can’t take it! Idiots ask me to do stupid things to them! Your boots are uncomfortable and my poker is drooping.
Ferns
There are just a few more people I need to have burning in a firey hell. Then we can swap back.
Ferns
TIL what the most perfect conversation might sound like:
m: Whatever.
F: Mu motherfucker.
m: Exactly.
*laugh* The only problem with it is that to kick it off, you first have to find someone who says ‘whatever’ all the time. Nobody says that anymore…
Ferns
You clearly don’t get out much.
Dammit, I could have sworn your response there was going to be ‘whatever’… it was the absolute perfect setup!!
*sigh*
Ferns
But it’s so much better this way.
Omg… Tooooooootally forgot about my favorite use of ‘Moo’ ’till just now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fopvzf77b8&feature
*laugh* I’m totally going straight from ‘moo’ to ‘chicken fucker’!
Ferns
Yes! At last, you are learning the Essentials of Oneupmanship!
Remember, Miss Ferns, few typewriters are made of chocolate.
Thank you for those words of wisdom.
I have no idea what you are saying, but thank you all the same. One day, I might understand, and the world will suddenly be a much simpler place.
Also, I would very much like a chocolate typewriter.
Ferns