en·vy
/ˈenvē/
Noun
A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
Verb
Desire to have a quality, possession, or other attribute belonging to (someone else): “he envied tall people”; “I envy Jane her happiness”.

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Envy whispers in my ear and tells me that I’m not happy, that I am missing something.

I don’t normally have envy. I try and tell it to fuck off, it doesn’t belong here.

I don’t usually look at other people’s loving relationships and wish I had that. Mostly other people’s happiness makes ME happy-bouncy-hopeful. I never look … Continue Reading

I want to write, but my head is still scattered. Last time I said this, I posted a butt picture as a kind of placeholder because the use of actual words seemed too big of a stretch. It didn’t help, I still feel the same. I am not really sure why it’s happening, but I don’t like it much. In fact, I don’t like it at all.

I have 65 draft posts here in WordPress, and I also have a ‘Postings’ document that is well over 200 pages of random thoughts, half baked ideas, almost-completed posts. Last night I trawled … Continue Reading

I had a scary dream.

I was in a car, the driver’s seat. The car was stationery in some kind of parking lot. In front of me a barrier, some bushes.

Someone banged on my window with a fist, aggressive.

I opened the window, regretting it almost immediately.

Outside the car, I could see the figure of a man. He was big, fat, his stomach at my window essentially taking up the entire space.

I don’t know if he said anything, but I suddenly knew he was very angry.

I knew, as sure as I knew my own self, that … Continue Reading