my boy/  NaNoWriMo/  play

Darker

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NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics is also doing a post for our NaBloWriMo project]

 

There are some things I don’t talk about, well, lots of things actually.

They’re unacceptable for public consumption for various reasons. Sometimes because they are simply too personal, sometimes because they invade someone’s privacy, sometimes because they are too revealing, sometimes because there is no way to talk about them coherently, and sometimes because they are so far on the side of ‘wrong’ that they require a heavy handed justification and explanation and I can’t be bothered with that.

My ex boy was a revelation for me. He … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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my boy/  NaNoWriMo/  photo - pretty boys/  play

Shibari

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NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics has also done a ‘Shibari‘ post for our NaBloWriMo project]

 

This is a picture of the first time I played with rope, my ex boy kneeling patiently before me while I painstakingly followed instructions for this dragonfly sleeve. I enjoyed it well enough: time spent with my sweetheart, intense attention, an almost meditative precision, and oh my he was so pretty in rope, but I didn’t ‘get’ it.

I was curious about people’s attraction to rope, and why it was such a draw for so many.

When I met Richie, I played a little with … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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Domme Chronicles book/  musing/  my boy

Disturbing the peace

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Domme Chronicles hard cover mockup

I have been wanting to send my ex boy a copy of my book. After all, it is mostly about him, he was key in encouraging me to put my writing out into the world: It exists in no small part because of and for him.

It is a selfish thing, though, this desire. It is probably kinder of me to leave him alone. But I am often not kind. My wanting to share it is about… well, in truth, I’m not even really sure what it’s about.

“This, sweetheart, is for you” or “Thank you” or “It’s us, … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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musing/  my boy/  random memories

I adore a little jealousy

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He had a work function one evening.

Academia: he and his fellows were meant to be grabbing new creative talent and sizing them up for their faculty. He had shyly asked me if I wanted to go. I didn’t, of course. He knew that well enough, but he asked me anyway.

“Of course!” I said.

He beamed at me. It wasn’t just that I would provide moral support: I knew that he wanted to show me off and I love that, truly.

And I was happy to be asked. It would be the first ‘public couple’ thing we had really … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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femdom relationships/  musing/  my boy/  snowflake

Hello Ma’am

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SGC of the wonderful Submissive Guy Comics tumblr recently posted this really sad comic.

When I saw it, it brought back a rush of memories. My memories are usually packed away and mostly inaccessible without concerted effort, but they are sitting close to the surface for me at the moment because of my anniversary post. When I was thinking about what to write, I looked back on old posts and personal writings to find something that seemed a fitting topic, so quite a few things that are normally hidden away are floating right there in my peripheral vision.

When … Continue Reading

Loves: 18
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femdom relationships/  my boy/  random memories

Because I’m happy

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It was a weekend, I took him out for lunch to a pub that sits on a point overlooking the bay. A beautiful spot on a hill, the islands in the distance.

It was warm, sunny.

He got us drinks, ordered the food, and came back to me.

We were sitting side by side in chairs on the lawn looking out over the water, talking softly and laughing about nothing in particular. I had one leg draped over his, his hand rested on my thigh.

I grabbed his head and pulled it to me and bit it, not his ear, … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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about me/  musing/  my boy

On saying “I love you”

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I don’t say “I love you” much. I am stingy with it, miserly. I hoard it to myself as if it might get used and old and dirty if I put it on the table.

I feel deeply and hard, but “I love you” is like taking out a huge knife and carving the words into skin, pain and blood spurting everywhere, cries of elation or hurt, his or mine, both sometimes.

The feeling comes slowly to me, I don’t trust it. I don’t trust it in others and I don’t trust it in myself. And when it comes easily, … Continue Reading

Loves: 15
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