We are incompatible in many ways. Really, many. And we have already hit some rough spots, before even meeting.

And yet… and yet… there is something special there.

Something…

For the first time (yes, the first!), I did a tiny little bit of play with him. Miniscule, hardly anything at all.

We have a short phone call at 11.30pm, so I can tell him a bedtime story.

We talk about trivialities: my stubbed toe, his dog hair problem, wine…

I listen to him brush his teeth, a domestic intimacy.

He calls me ‘sweetie’, it is… well, sweet.

We talk and … Continue Reading

…the day is not nearly over…

It is about 3pm, and we find our way back home. We take the shopping inside (yes, we bought things for dinner!), you are, I think, all expectant and edgy now, which makes me laugh. I make idle chit chat about what you are making for dinner while you put the shopping away, you are nodding at me, but really, you are waiting. What are you waiting for?

I go and sit down while you finish putting things away, snap my fingers and point to the floor at my feet. You look… relieved? … Continue Reading

… the day continues…

You are reading the paper, I am sitting with legs around you, writing and half listening to you tell me about what is going on in the world.

I tell you to go get moisturiser and you hurry off and back. I offer my hands first, and you start there with a hand massage, I tell you not to linger, I’m hungry, so you will pick up the pace and rub me with it. I will move to give you access to various body parts and scold you if you are just playing, and you will … Continue Reading

I will like it if you can be stunned into weakness for me, when I can shove you into a wall, a hand around your throat and threaten you and have you believe it (crossing that line between knowing that you can stop it any time you want and that tipping over point where the attack makes your brain stutter and your body go ‘wtf?!’). If I am aggressively fucking with you, I need to believe that you are in it with me, that when I slap you or bite you, you have some fear that I am going to … Continue Reading