Oddly, one of my previous posts describing actual kinky things I bought and did not buy led to some inquiries as to what actually WAS on the grocery list I mentioned (you folks are the perviest people EVER!!)…
So, here it is… shopping list porn:
- smelly cupboard stuff
[yes, I copied this faithfully from my list word for word… ‘stuff’ is totally valid shopping list terminology!] - 30 second outdoor cleaner
[has been on the list for months, I want to clean a dining room table and chairs that have been outside and are black with mould] - hair clip
[I shove my hair up into a twistie bun when it is windy or hot and I broke my last one] - calendar
[for my dad, he writes himself notes about meetings and appointments and promptly loses them] - power board
[you know, the things with multiple power sockets on them] - cheese
[cheddar, extra tasty… camembert if it looks soft and ripe and melty… mmmm…] - eggs
[extra large, free range] - coffee beans
[espresso] - fruit n vegies
[whatever jumps into the basket, I am easily bored with fruit and vegetables] - peanut paste
[peanut butter to you foreigners, extra crunchy] - tartare
[creamy tangy sauce, for on fish, or if you are me, on sandwiches with cheese and tons of alfalfa sprouts… (Shut up!! You people don’t know good food!!! Next you will be telling me that sandwiches with vegemite and corn chips are not the Best. Thing. Ever!!)] - washing up thingie
[you know, the THINGIE!!] - wipey things
[… and the THINGS…] - toothpaste
[ahhh, minty] - snack bars
[substitute meals because I probably got bored when I actually tried to buy proper groceries]
That’s it… Hands out of your pants… come on!!! At least wait until I’m not looking!
17 comments
Thanks Ferns :)
Secretive Slave: “Thanks Ferns”
You are most welcome, you sick pervert!
Ferns
This is just the kinkiest thing ever. I didn't know you were into all of that!
I mean… Tartare!? You deviant!
I'm shocked, Shocked and strangely delighted.
And I diodn't even ask to see this, well, maybe that's because the stalkee stalking the stalker never wants to seem to stalkerish or the stalker may end up stalking their stalker who's actually their stalkee in the first place.
… cunning…
Wow, your shopping list looks a lot like mine.
We Yanks call that spread “Tartar Sauce”, which confuses me because I'm sure it wasn't invented in Russia. “Tartare” to me is a ground and seasoned raw beef dish (cow sushi?).
I eat a lot of all natural crunchy peanut butter. 7 grams of protein per 2 tablespoons.
And even though I'm a 'merkin, I actually enjoy vegemite and corn chips. I have no idea why we don't see more of it over here.
“Stuff” and “thingies” are perfectly acceptable grocery list terms.
Being a guy, I'd probably not buy the hair clip (although I've seen a few that look rather like nipple clamps), nor would I buy smelly stuff. And there's too much sugar in snack bars, so I prefer to make up bags of what we call “trail mix” instead – which is essentially a snack bar in a baggie: raisins, M&Ms, peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, dried cranberries, etc.
BTW, if you're bored with fruit, spread some peanut paste on a slice of apple. Protein, fats, and carbs – good for keeping up your strength when you're answering all those emails to your fans.
The Rabbit: “I'm shocked, Shocked and strangely delighted.”
*laugh* Cute little bunny! It's *your* job to provide the cookies, that's why it wasn't on my list!
“… [stalker/stalkee relationship talk…]”
Sssshhh… you need to trim those bushes, and your back door squeaks… fix it will you?
Ferns
Tom “All Natural” Allen: “Wow, your shopping list looks a lot like mine.”
Well, we all need thingies and things and stuff!
“We Yanks call that spread “Tartar Sauce””
It's called that here too… But Tom, it's a shopping list… I *knew* I would not get it confused with raw beef if I shortened it…
“And even though I'm a 'merkin”
You're a merkin? Nice work if you can get it. You just get more and more fascinating every day…
“I actually enjoy vegemite and corn chips.”
Noooooo… are you serious?!!! I have never met ANYONE who eats this!!! No wonder Mrs Edge snaffled you up!
For the curious… fresh bread, lots of butter, a smattering of vegemite (ask an Aussie how much, it's not peanut paste!!), then as many plain corn chips (not flavoured ones, that is a travesty) as you can fit on it, close firmly with the top piece of bread. Yummy crunchy salty vegemitey goodness.
“…there's too much sugar… [stuff you put in it]…M&Ms…”
M&Ms? That's pushing the definition of 'trail mix' too far!!
“if you're bored with fruit, spread some peanut paste on a slice of apple.”
I will keep that in mind. I am partial to peanut paste on celery… ditto cream cheese… I have never tried it with apples though. But hey, it's peanut paste, what *doesn't* it go with?
Ferns
But Tom, it's a shopping list… I *knew* I would not get it confused with raw beef if I shortened it…
I just mentioned it for the benefit of your non-Oz readers. I'm often fascinated by the differences in our colloquialisms. Two countries separated by a common language and all that.
Oh, and Mrs. Edge turns up her nose at vegemite, herself.
I know, I know. You buy them books, send them to school, and still…
M&Ms? That's pushing the definition of 'trail mix' too far!!
That's how we made it back when I was a Boy Scout.
Peanut butter goes much better on an apple than on celery. Especially the natural kind – the apple adds a nice touch of sweetness, and it's still crunchy. Sometimes I'll wedge an apple, dust the wedges with cinnamon, and then add some PB. A good late-night dessert snack.
Don't mind me, you know I've been on a health kick for a while now.
What! … No Vegemite!?
Tom: “Don't mind me, you know I've been on a health kick for a while now.”
I know, I've seen the photos *drool*
Ferns
slapshot: “What! … No Vegemite!?”
Obviously, I already HAVE some! And possibly a spare… just in case of vegemite emergencies…
Ferns
Ugh Vegemite Marmite et al is just the Devils sperm ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh and so on and so forth
Oh yes and wheres the meat ? Unless something died for my meal it's not worth the effort I say!
Coug
Coug: “Vegemite Marmite et al…”
Tsk tsk… anyone who puts those two in the same sentence as if they are comparable is clearly deranged and cannot be taken seriously…
“wheres the meat?”
Buying meat includes with it the expectation that someone has to actually cook it… Or should the answer to that be the crudely growled, “DOWN HIS PANTS! Rrrraaawwwrrr!”?
Ferns
I’ve never had vegemite. I don’t imagine I’d mind it. Unless there’s a texture issue.
How is the texture?
Back to lurking in the past today…. peanut paste and sliced bananas on fresh bread… yummm