I saw a boy today that I wanted to kiss.
On my way to work on the train, he was maybe 40, fit, a little rough, with a strong imperfect face, unconventionally beautiful and serious, wide jaw, furrowed brow, a shock of thick dark messy hair. I stared at him, sunglasses on, I watched him. His face came alive as he talked to a little girl, became sweet, gentle, soft smiles. He had much-regretted tattoos, mostly hidden under his sweatshirt, occasionally he looked my way, once locking on, not really with interest, mild curiosity. I didn’t look away, staring rudely, not sure if he could tell behind my sunnies that I was simply watching him. He blinked first, bowing his head, a small puzzled smile curling the corner of his mouth.
He leaned back, ran his hand through his hair, and I felt a familiar, much missed lurch in the pit of my stomach, not strong, not compelling, but oh so welcome and I nurtured it, drifting.
I wondered what he would look like with an expression of shocked surprise on his face at having his hair gripped in a tight fist and his head jerked back. I imagined his mouth in an ‘oh’ shape, that delicious ‘oh’ that says ‘ow’ and ‘please’ and ‘fuck’ and ‘oh my god’ all in one. That ‘oh’ that invites contact and violence and tenderness, that ‘oh’ that says he is suddenly a little unsure, *that* ‘oh’… that one.
I wondered what his face would look like on the edge of coming, that moment when he reaches for it, that serious, yearning, desperate expression, that moment when he thinks it’s inevitable, then the one immediately after when he realises it’s not.
Mostly, though, I wondered what his mouth would look like, softening at the approach of a kiss, how his expression would change, reaching hopefully for it, anticipating it, waiting for it. I wondered what he would taste like in those early, soft, exploratory kisses and thought, with him, that he would taste slightly unclean, rough musk and saltiness, of dirt and sweat.
I wondered how he would react to those mouth-touches, the ones where I barely brush his lips with mine. The ones where I tease the bottom edge of his top lip with the tip of my tongue, lick and suck gently. I pictured his confusion, slight awkwardness in that position, mouth slightly open, waiting, accepting, as I slip inside just enough to taste that silky inner moistness that feels already intimate, invasive, like sex, insistent but barely there.
I wondered if he would be still while I lap at him like a kitten, all gentle and unhurried and breathy, and how he would react when I push him back from me when he reaches for more. I wondered about the kisses where I nudge at him with my mouth, encouraging him to open up to me expectantly, watching his desire grow, wanting depth and hunger and aching for that moment when it turns from this gentle play into something else, but giving him nothing more. The ones where I promise with mock aggression and don’t deliver, while I wait for his gentle acceptance to turn into a frustrated and desperate desire for attack, watching for the change, wanting to restrain, ride and match it all at once.
I watched him until he left the train at the stop before mine, my mind full of his mouth, his face forgotten already, less important than the slow rise of hunger for kissing.
14 comments
Words fail me in trying to describe my enjoyment of this post. A few anyway: skillful, artistic writing; vivid imagery worthy of the best novels; expressive and comprehensive description your thoughts and desires; tastefully erotic yet suggestive in a way that leads my brain to fill in its own more lurid tone or mood; perfect balance of providing satisfaction and leaving the desire for more… more. That boy would be so honored to know what he inspired, so lucky to be taken possession of by someone so clever. I wish I was that boy.
lthrpup: “Words fail me in trying to describe my enjoyment of this post.”
If words failing you looks like the comment you left, I do wonder what it looks like when they are serving you well… *smile*
Thank you for the loveliness and putting that smile on my face first thing in the morning.
Ferns
Yeah, words fail me too.
But from the opposite direction.
It's one thing to tease a sub. A sub expects that. An average guy, no. Your game isn't necessarily fun for him at all.
More to the point, he might not know it's a game. “promising more..not delivering”..what if he takes your promise at face value and escalates a step up (not talking intercourse here) by say, without warning or waiting for permission pinching or stroking your breast or bottom? Sexual assault? Well, I trust you to be fair, but the law isn't necessarily. And an unscrupulous woman can easily ruin a man's life precisely by teasing and seeming to promise and then when the man goes even one step too far..
I wouldn't let you do that to me. See, if you seemed to be promising but I wasn't sure..well, I'd ask you point-blank. And if you are like most women, that will instantly kill your enjoyment of things. But oh well. You chose to play a game when your erst-while partner didn't even know you were playing one.
Now, I know maybe you were just fantasizing and would never ever seriously consider doing something like that r/l. I know that such behavior is perfectly fine with your experienced subs or with a partner in a romantic relationship. There's trust there, and an assumption of good faith, and people feel more free to make mistakes and admit to it. But cock teasing men whom you don't know in public is very risky business. It's not fair to the decent and/or shy ones, and the evil ones well..
:( I like your blog. I hope you don't think this criticism of this post means I think you are a bad person.
Clarence, who has posted here before.
Clarence: “I know maybe you were just fantasizing and would never ever seriously consider doing something like that r/l… cock teasing men whom you don't know in public is very risky business.”
I *was* only fantasising, it was clear, no?
But, having said that, I wonder what sort of company you keep. With the 'average man'… vanilla men, sub men, men I have dated, men I have pashed… I would do it, I have done it and I will do it again… I have never kissed a man who didn't enjoy this, and if he didn't, I would not be in this position with him.
“I hope you don't think this criticism of this post means I think you are a bad person.”
*smile* I *am* a bad person…
I'm ok with it.
Ferns
Hello Ferns,
Well, in the real world, fantasies need to conform to reality. In the fantasy world, though, realities need to conform to the fantasy. If real-world concerns upset my fantasy, I have my customs men turn them around at the airport.
Anyway, yesterday, I wore my purple Femdom wristband out and I'll swear a woman almost broke her neck spinning round to look at me. Heh . . . So just look out for a man in a purple wristband. Problem solved.
You know, no woman has *ever* grabbed my hair and pushed my head back to kiss me. If I were to stare at a woman on a train, and she were to do that to me . . . well, I think I'd guess that my friends had paid her to do that as a birthday surprise. It'd feel too good to be true.
I nearly always want to keep my eyes open when I kiss. That kind of kiss – yours – though – I'd want my eyes shut for that.
Thank you for allowing me to float this morning. :-)
XXXXXXX
Anonymous XXXXXXX: “If real-world concerns upset my fantasy, I have my customs men turn them around at the airport.”
Quite right too… have them use violence if necessary!
“So just look out for a man in a purple wristband. Problem solved.”
Was that you in the bookshop? I nearly broke my neck perving at you…
“You know, no woman has *ever* grabbed my hair and pushed my head back to kiss me.”
No? Oh… gosh… that's so… terribly awfully sweet and must be remedied!! The purple wristband should take care of that in no time!
“Thank you for allowing me to float this morning.”
smile Anytime…
Ferns
not sure how to put my thoughts into words…..so I wont and just sit back and enjoy your thoughts Ms Ferns.
ID
P.S dont think you are a bad person just some one who knows what they want :)
ID: “not sure how to put my thoughts into words…..so I wont and just sit back and enjoy your thoughts…”
*smile* That's perfectly fine by me, and I do very much appreciate that you popped in to say so.
Ferns
I love this post. Very descriptive.
Jess Manifesto: “I love this post. Very descriptive.”
Thanks Jess!
Ferns
Like I told you the other day I saw a pretty young goth girly on the train to work and oh just for that moment I wanted her to hold her,hurt her and love her and then it was gone. But I thought of this post in that moment.
Coug
Coug: “…the other day I saw a pretty young goth girly on the train to work and oh just for that moment I wanted her to hold her,hurt her and love her and then it was gone.”
*smile* Delicious when you get that “ooh” moment unexpectedly! I love that, I have missed it.
Ferns
I tend to stare at people on buses and trains through cunning use of window reflections. Oh the crushes that I’ve had that have only lasted 20 minutes or less!