femdom relationships/  musing

D/s stereotypes

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Femdom stereotypes are rife, and they get perpetuated by both sides of the slash. It’s really frustrating to see the same thing come up over and over.

Her: I’m supposed to be a cold hard bitch
Him: You’re supposed to be a cold hard bitch
Her: ~has a bad day, cries, needs cuddles~ Oh noes, I’m not a real dom!
Him: Wow, you’re weak. You’re not a real dom!

Rinse and repeat.

It’s the curse of inexperience and fantasy and it’s so very common. And often it will take several goes at failed relationships where this expectation over-rides humanity to … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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femdom relationships/  First

He believed…

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When we were together long ago, in the distant past, he believed that I had betrayed him.

Not just ‘betrayed’, but ‘BETRAYED’ in all caps with a bright neon red, sharp and harsh, and so ugly it can barely be looked at head-on.

That betrayal impacted him deeply, coloured all of his relationships since me with a murky grey cloak of fear and self protection. Years of it.

He got over it, of course, put it behind him, carried on. Lived and loved and worked at avoiding the potential for that sort of hurt ever again. That meant putting away … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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review

Winner of “Sweet and Rough”

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Thank you so much to everyone who entered.

The winner of ‘Sweet and Rough: Queer Smut‘ by Sinclair Sexsmith is Krystal!

Congratulations, Krystal!

Expect a copy of the book to arrive in your inbox shortly.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.… Continue Reading

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musing/  randomness

Sweet and lovely men

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After reading a post from a submissive man essentially saying, “I really like this dominant woman, she makes my heart flutter, but I’m concerned that I’m too eager to do the small and insignificant things she asks me for this early in our discussions: I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that”, I reflected a little on the oddness of that.

And it led me to this realisation:

You know what I’ve found?

Vanilla men are often WAAAYYY more secure in being sweet and lovely than many submissive men and as a result, they often do ‘submissive behaviours’ more easily and … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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body project

So how’s the body, Ferns?

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I haven’t talked about my body project for a while. There are a few reasons for that, but the main one is that I’ve been in a kind of ‘maintenance mode’ for quite a while and that’s boring to write about.

No further gains, in fact, something of a slip from what I consider my peak.

The main reason for the flattening out is that I realised that for all of the work I was doing (and at the high point, it was a LOT, including seriously good eating and protein loading), I really wasn’t getting my body into … Continue Reading

Loves: 7
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musing/  QnA

Thoughts on obedience

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Content brought over from a discussion on Fetlife (login required).

Is it possible/likely that a sub becomes more obedient to his domme over time?

My experience is ‘yes’. And for me it’s a function of a deepening relationship.

What I mean by that is that as my submissive gets to know me, if everything is working well, his desire to submit gets stronger and so the D/s becomes ‘more’ (more meaningful, more heartfelt, more serious… more).

So while I can see obedience being binary (he either did it or didn’t do it), in the beginning, it might be a bit … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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review

Virtual book tour: Sweet & Rough

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Sinclair Sexsmith is one of those erotica writers who makes me envious of the way they express themselves. I have been following their blog, SugarButch Chronicles, since forever, way back when they wrote intimately about their loves and relationships and sex. I would routinely read some turn of phrase in their stories of sexual exploits and be both turned on and eaten up with emerald envy at the way it was expressed.

They were also my primary source for definitive information on the first strap-on harness I ever got since I figured an experienced butch top who had tried … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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