about me/  bambi/  musing

Introvert recovery

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I had a month with bambi, a week and a half to myself after he left, then this past weekend, I had four days staying with my sister and niece.

If you aren’t an introvert, this doesn’t sound like anything much.

If you ARE an introvert, you might understand when I say that I am tapped out. Socially and emotionally, I am completely empty.

And this happens even though the people I was spending time with were perfectly lovely. That makes no difference whatsoever.

Right now, I feel like an empty void, and if I have to talk … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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musing

Australianisms that I actually use

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I tend to think that I don’t really use Australianisms or slang so much, but then, I WOULD think that wouldn’t I? Some words or phrases are just so uniquely ‘Australian’, and I don’t realise it until I use them and find that they are completely incomprehensible to someone who isn’t Australian. It’s even funnier when I’m called on them (“Why do you say it like that?!”) because there are heaps that I can’t actually make ANY sense of myself. In short, I am often talking nonsensical gobbledygook.

So, for your amusement, here is a (non-exhaustive) list of Australian words … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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bambi/  musing

Thoughts and routines

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I want to write glorious things. I want to write about snippets of play with bambi, I want to write about how I am feeling, I want to write about what happened, I want to write about what’s next, I want to write about a lot of things.

Truth is, I am scattered. My head is all over the place.

It’s not necessarily bad.

It’s just… confusing in there.

Sometimes my head swims with random thoughts and they all fly around and one of them gets my focus for a moment and then I let it go because I realise … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
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bambi/  musing

Post-bambi

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I will probably write more about bambi in the days to come, but in the meantime, this is really just a catch-up post.

Bambi left on Wednesday. It’s now Saturday.

I’m doing okay.

I expected to fall into a big messy pit of badness, but so far, I’m fine.

It feels wrong to say “I’m fine”, as if it’s a mean or disrespectful thing to say somehow. As if it is an insult to bambi. It’s not.

What I expected was to have a flurry of released emotions after he left, for all of them to just come tumbling out … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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bambi/  play/  top pick

Because you are so beautiful

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I was punching him over and over again: his face alternatively screwed up with pain, mouth open in a silent yell, then stoic against the hurt, completely closing down, trying to get control back. His body thrashed violently against the restraints at the peak of each wave until I could no longer aim the strike and had to stop.

He was so fucking pretty when he was like this: not thinking, just reacting. Some fear, a hint of betrayal, a tilted-head smile when I would talk to him between the punches.

I put on my mock sympathy face “Awww… does … Continue Reading

Loves: 23
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