I have described myself as difficult and demanding, I don’t let things go, I will not accept ‘less than’, but I am only that way about things that I care about and there are a gazillion things that I really don’t care about. At all.
I am not a control freak in my daily life (seriously, I am not!), I don’t have ‘domly’ expectations of the people I know, I don’t have impossibly high standards, I have no desire to control my general environment or the people in it, I am not obsessive about domestics, I don’t have a special way that I need things done in order to consider them ‘done right’, I’m not particularly ambitious, I don’t have a drive to be the boss in my little world. I would say I am as good a follower as a leader. In fact, if I don’t care about something, I *prefer* to follow rather than lead because if I have no strong opinion, then I am not motivated or interested in taking the lead.
In short, I am pretty easy going as a person walking around in the world, though I am aware that the snippets that I show of myself here may not reflect that because I am *not* easy going when it comes to my submissive. That’s because in my personal relationships, I care, and I care a lot, to the umpteenth degree. I keep him on a tight leash because control is one of my fetishes, because having him ‘right here with me, close to me, inside of me’ means reaching into his head and pulling the strings as an act of intimacy. I see his obedience as a way for him to express his affection for me. He has to see it that way also, that his obedience is an act that binds us, or it won’t work for me.
Every time he does what I say, every time he says “Yes, Ma’am”, he is whispering, “This, sweetheart, is for you.” *swoon*
That’s why I am so difficult, why I won’t let things go, why I demand things. I want to give him the opportunity to show his affection for me at every turn, and I show my affection for him by setting expectations and making sure he meets them. It is a dance of intimacy, and we each play our part (me, of course, going backwards, wearing high heels…).
10 comments
“I have described myself as difficult and demanding, I don’t let things go, I will not accept ‘less than’, but I am only that way about things that I care about”
It is this very thing that makes your blog such a fascinating read. To be able to interact with another with such care and passion is a wonderful trait to possess.
I would also add that you present it with a great deal of style as well.
I can follow and I can lead. I won't lead if I don't know much about the subject or I feel there is someone that would be better at it.
I am passionate about a couple of things, my pups, my job which is cattle, and my personal relationships. I am demanding, I am picky but mostly that is about understanding and communication. I could care less if the bed doesn't have a wrinkle when made…as long as it's made, it's fine. But I DO care about knowing if he is going to be late or there is something going wrong.
Faith
slapshot: “It is this very thing that makes your blog such a fascinating read… I would also add that you present it with a great deal of style as well.”
Oh, thank you slapshot, that's very sweet!
It is, of course, much *much* easier to write about things you are passionate about than those which are 'ho hum'. When I start a series of excited posts on '101 ways to clean floors', you have permission to come to my house and shoot me.
Ferns
Faith: “I can follow and I can lead. I won't lead if I don't know much about the subject or I feel there is someone that would be better at it.”
That makes perfect sense, and I used to say that exact same thing, but I have changed my thoughts on it a bit.
I can lead even when I don't know so much about whatever 'it' is. I do that in my job, with a lot of people who are *much* more skilled than me dealing with the detail. I just tell them what I want the outcome to be and guide them towards the end result, correcting or clarifying as necessary. If we are both doing our jobs well, it just progresses smoothly until it's done.
I feel much the same about how leadership works in my personal life. I see the leadership aspect as more about 'ensuring there is a desired outcome' than 'doing stuff'. So I don't actually have to know how to do something to take the lead in getting it done. In that sense, it really is down to interest. Am I interested in that outcome (or is it important to me), and if the answer is 'no', then whoever wants to take charge of it can go wild and I will happily follow along.
“I am passionate about a couple of things, my pups, my job which is cattle…”
There's a joke in there begging to be made, but note my maturity in totally not making it (and my contrasting immaturity in being unable to resist mentioning it…)! Heh.
“I am demanding, I am picky but mostly that is about understanding and communication. I could care less if the bed doesn't have a wrinkle when made…as long as it's made, it's fine. But I DO care about knowing if he is going to be late or there is something going wrong.”
Yes, there are 'things' and then there are 'important things that impact the relationship'.
I am probably most demanding about obedience and in that, I will make an issue out of seemingly small things, trivial things. For me in that, it's not about the 'thing', it's about the obedience and if he doesn't 'get' how that works for me, we are headed for trouble. I think that can be an area of difficulty because the reaction from the submissive is a perfectly reasonable protest about the 'thing': 'But.. but it was just [this trivial thing…]…why are you making such a big deal out of it?'. It can be difficult to communicate effectively that it's *not* the trivial thing that is the issue, it's the fact that he didn't obey that is the problem.
Thank you for making me mull these over a bit more.
Ferns
Gawd. You're very severe about making it clear that you're easy going, aren't you? I'll never call *you* hard work!
;-)
Glad you're *back* back.
XXXXXXX
Anonymous XXXXXXX: “Gawd. You're very severe about making it clear that you're easy going, aren't you? I'll never call *you* hard work!”
I *am* easy going damn it!! But for those who get close enough to genuinely call me hard work, it's worth every uphill struggle and every bead of sweat…
“Glad you're *back* back.”
Thank you, it's good to be back back…
Ferns
“There's a joke in there begging to be made, but note my maturity in totally not making it (and my contrasting immaturity in being unable to resist mentioning it…)! Heh.”
*just grins*
“I can lead even when I don't know so much about whatever 'it' is. I do that in my job, with a lot of people who are *much* more skilled than me dealing with the detail. I just tell them what I want the outcome to be and guide them towards the end result, correcting or clarifying as necessary. If we are both doing our jobs well, it just progresses smoothly until it's done.”
I agree. I've run across many things that I've needed done on the farm that I don't know *how* to do but I know how I want the end results to be.
I feel the same way about obedience too. I will pick apart small instances. It isn't the instance it's the disregard for the way I wanted it. I have my reason, or even if I didn't, I want what I want, the Way I want it. I also see it as an ounce of prevention type of thing. If there is an issue following my direction on the little things…what in the world would happen w/ the big things?
Faith
Faith: “It isn't the instance it's the disregard for the way I wanted it…
I also see it as an ounce of prevention type of thing…”
Yes, those two – exactly!
Ferns
“I would say I am as good a follower as a leader. In fact, if I don’t care about something, I *prefer* to follow….”
So would the folks in those circles have the slightest clue that at home you are the merciless, wonderful tyrant? (salt shaker on the left!, 30 strokes and no ice cream.) Do you smile inside when they remark about how easy going you are, what a team player? All the while, elsewhere, a boy trembles at the thought of you discovering he's been in your knickers drawer.
Yardbird: “So would the folks in those circles have the slightest clue that at home you are the merciless, wonderful tyrant? (salt shaker on the left!, 30 strokes and no ice cream.)”
What a great, and funny question!! That made me laugh, thank you!
I project in the world as a confident woman who speaks her mind, so I don’t think they would be surprised, no. Mostly if they have known me for a while, they will have seen how I am with things I do care about at some stage and they will probably have heard my ‘I mean business now’ voice, even if it’s not directed at them.
Ferns